Dear, I must tell you
This morning, the dew blessed our windshield
Like the holy water flung from
A priest’s solemn scepter (I will not
Name the thing here, though
I looked it up). The boy said it had rained
And I began to not correct him
When a hawk the size of the azaleas
Outside your mother’s condo
Appeared (if I may correct myself
It was the size of a standalone fridge)
With the laid back urgency
Of a hit paid for by the mob,
And seized a chipmunk we hadn’t seen
(Why would we see something so mundane,
The tiny chestnut pillow scurrying below
The curb and above the sewer drain)
Carrying it off above Immaculate Heart
And towards the Saw Mill River. “It rained,”
The boy said again, and I nodded,
Pushing the push-button ignition,
Checking in the rear view that I had indeed
Buckled him into his car seat.
Posted Jun 19, 2019, 1:17 AM UTC
The language here is so beautiful. I absolutely love it. Something I’m not a huge fan of is the parenthesis, I could see this being more effective without them in my opinion-they seem to get in the way a bit. Or maybe you could just space them out between the stanzas?
Thanks! I kind of agree. I think the second parenthetical could have been incorporated more smoothly. But I like the breaks those asides lend to the rhythm. I'll try to get those thoughts into here another way, though. Can't hurt!