I guess I’m enchanted by the hourglass
People flow and go as the sands pass
But not me, no, I’m still here watching the hourglass
I guess I’m hypnotized by the hourglass
People grab and pull, but eventually pass
But not me, no, I’m stuck under the sands in the hourglass
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Posted Jun 19, 2019, 6:05 AM UTC
I really like the underlying message, but I feel if you rhymed a bit less it’d be so much better
I like this. There's many hourglasses that I've watched in my life. Waiting to be old enough to leave an oppressive home situation. Waiting to be old enough to leave to college. And now I'm watching it because I don't feel like I have enough time left. Very beautiful poetry.
Interesting because the poem literally illustrates how you are stuck inside the hourglass. The poem is repetitive in its rhymes, indicating a loop of the sands being flipped up and down but still being the same sand in the hourglass. The abruptness of the ending makes me feel like your are trying to say that nothing will change but you will forever be stuck in this loop. Its evocative of a timelessly uneasy feeling.