a bottle of vodka and the arms of a lover

The inconsistency in rhymes detracts some from the pleasure of reading this poem. The rhyme in the second stanza (fine/lies) is, also, a weak one.

I find I wish the poem gave some hint as to why she's twisted in lies. Have her own lies entangled her?

I really like it! I like the last two repetitive lines, find them haunting and I wonder if maybe they would be more powerful if they were said only once or alternatively at the first and last verse.

I like the theme of it.

Despite the short length, this was a little heartbreaking. It reads almost musically and the rhyming sounds sweet, its simplicity not tampering with your word choice. I do agree that the last two lines lose their meaning after being repeated on all four stanzas – when I got to the end of the poem, it felt a little like when you say a word too many times until you feel like you’re speaking gibberish. I think it’d have a much better impact if you only used it on the first and final stanzas, for instance. Good job!

Great use of repetition with the last two lines. I would change "A tool for your revenge" to "A tool for revenge" though, it works better with the rhythm in my opinion. You also might want to rework the last stanza so the second line rhymes with "lies" just to keep consistency in the poem.

This really spoke to me, your content is great. I really enjoy how lighthearted it reads but at the same time the deep meaning you can get from it if alcohol is your release.

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I like this a lot! The rhythm of "A tool for your revenge" doesn't fit the almost sing-songy tone it has throughout the rest. Consider shaving a few syllables off of that?

I think the first and last stanzas are the strongest. Sounds like song lyrics almost.

Repetition is a tricky weapon to wield; you use it quite well. If you’re looking to hone your writing skills even further, I’d like this suggestion: Experiment a little. Grab your preferred medium (I prefer a keyboard) and test out a few new literary devices. Poetry is self-expression, and it’s easier to express yourself with a greater mastery of your preferred language.

I hope to see more of your writing!

Great Job! Your idea was expressed clearly, but the last two lines felt excessive. Is the "pretty young thing" a reference to Michael Jackson? If so, it's a bit ironic because stanzas 2 and 4 are decently similar to his HIStory (I'm sorry I had to) of being "alleged" as a child molester. Keep up the good work!

The central theme of the poem in terms of “twisted in lies” is brilliant one. I think you can attempt a shadow of that strong emotion to reflect in earlier lines culminating in the dramatic depth of the last line. May be try a deeper more intense version of it. Good poem though.

The last two lines are quite haunting, they hit deep. I do believe that it would do you well to not repeat them in every stanza. By the second time I read them, they kinda lost their meaning and the haunting feeling I got when I read them the first time. What about just including them in the last stanza?

Your poem is great overall. It's short, but you use your words well.

I agree with many other comments here - the two lines you use to end each stanza become a bit muted/dulled by repetition by the poem's end. Though this was a solid piece of writing as is, I almost yearn for a bit more to chew on: you use a couple different microscenarios to indirectly substantiate the "pretty young thing/all twisted in lies," line, but with how striking and absolute a declaration that reads as, in my opinion there could be a little more to support it. Again, just my take, but I definitely found the poem an enjoyable read overall. Thanks for contributing and nice work!

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