Dis-functional marriage.

It's a long story so I'll try to shorten it as much as possible.

I (24M) met my wife (23F) 8 years ago. I was starting college and she was in HS. When we started dating we lived 100 miles apart so we saw each other maybe once a month for the first year. The second year I saw her every weekend, and the 3rd year forward we lived together. She was my first serious gf and the girl I lost my virginity to. She had previously been with 2 other guys but that has never bothered me. For the first 2 years we would make love every chance we got. In cars, on park benches, in movie theaters, anywhere we could have a little bit of privacy. When we moved in together it was with her family but they let me stay in her room so I could attend Uni in the city she lived in. For the first 6 months or so of living with her we would make love almost everyday. Pretty standard I'm sure as we were both very young and in the "honeymoon stage" I've heard so much about. After that though sex turned into once a week, then once every two weeks.

Fast forward to year 5 and we got our first apartment together. Now at this point it is worth noting that I work 30 hours a week, 6 hours every evening roughly from 6:00 pm to midnight. So I blamed our lack of sex on me working nights because I would come home and be sweaty and gross, and after I take a shower she's not in the mood for it or is busy with homework so I just go to bed and go to school in the morning. I notice a dramatic shift in her behavior while in this apartment, namely 2 things. 1, she became very protective of her phone, and 2, she used to get mad when I'd try to spend time with my friends away from her or tell her I need to spend some extra time at school for homework, but all of a sudden she's totally fine with me being away. I started having suspicions of her cheating on me in October roughly. 2 months later we are celebrating Christmas with her family and she takes a shower and leaves her phone in the guest room. I look through her phone and I find 7 videos of her fucking and sucking another guy but you never see the guys face. It was Christmas so I didn't want to ruin it for everyone but I couldn't even look at her without getting infuriated.

I spent all of January trying to convince myself that it was me in the videos I found and that I was just too drunk to remember, but I didn't recognize any of the furniture in the vids and also I've been drunk exactly 5 times in my life as neither of us are really drinkers. I finally confront her about it in February and she immediately breaks down in tears ad starts apologizing and telling me how terrible she is and how she loves me and she only did it because she was having thoughts of suicide. I leave the apartment and go for a drive for 2 hours. I think about it and decide that I love her and I really love her family and I don't want to give them up. So I come home and tell her I need time to think about this. A couple months go by and I tell her I want to be with her. Red flag alert, she changes her phone password.

4 months go by and I need to have surgery from work related injury, nothing major. I have all the vids of her saved to my phone. I give her my phone and go in for surgery, when I came out of surgery I get my phone back and she has deleted the vids from my phone. It's been 2 years since then and I still have not said anything to her about this. Also because she does not understand how memory works, I got the vids back anyway and she doesn't know I still have them.

2 more months go by and now it is 2 months away from our wedding day. I am sleeping on the bed and I open one eye and I catch her typing her new phone password in. The next morning I unlock her phone in her sleep and I find more videos. I ask her about them and she swears they are not new and they are just vids from before that I did not see before. I tell her to delete them without checking the timestamp because I'm stupid and she does. A week goes by and I get her phone again. Looking through it I see her messaging some guy in a chat app called Kik. The messages very clearly state that she convinced me to stay at school 3 months prior so this guy could come to my fucking apartment and fuck her. She tells him that it was a "close call", that she "hopes the apartment doesn't smell like sex", and that "it's always a good day when I (she) gets to have your dick." So I have proof that she has cheated on my again, either with the same guy or someone else, 3 months after I confronted her about cheating on me. I confront her again and she starts lying to me saying she never actually met up with him. I show her the messages and she tells me she forgot about that one time but that was it, and she's crying and sending me 20+ crying voicemails about how much she loves me and how sorry she is. She tells me she didn't think I really cared because I din't throw a big enough fit the first time I caught her. I tell her the wedding is off and I'm done. I go and within the next week I sleep with one of my coworkers who's always been into me. I ended up getting her fired but that's a different story. After that I forgive my wife, again, and tell her I still want to get married.

We've been married for 2 years now and I now have a job that requires me to travel around the world very frequently. I'm gone one to two weeks out of every month. I never told my family or hers about her cheating on me. Honestly I feel like the clear signs say I should have left her but I was too pussy to do it because she is the only woman I've ever loved and her family is so great to me (and better than my family full of bigots). My wife and I have sex once a month now if that and she has gotten incredibly lazy. She won't get a job, she takes care of her 20 fucking pets, and I've gone through her phone and cannot find anything that would suggest she is currently cheating on me or wants to, but with my job having me leave so often it would be incredibly easy for her to do so.

I know I've made a lot of mistakes, namely waiting too long before confronting her and apparently not being angry enough. Both times she's told me she cheated because I wasn't paying her enough attention and she didn't think I was attracted to her anymore. I'd like to once again point out that we were both going to school full time and I was working 30 hours a week, so I did not have the time to text her every minute of everyday.

At this point I don't feel happy. I try to envision our future together but I just can't imagine raising a family with this woman. We tell each other we love each other everyday and I compliment her every morning, but when we are alone at home she won't cuddle with me or even just sit next to me on the couch. She claims my body temperature is too hot, which might be a real thing I have no idea. When we kiss it's never passionate. Even when we have sex now she won't kiss me with tongue.

I am not sure what I expect out of posting this here. I guess it just feels good to put it out there and let someone know how I truly feel and what my relationship has been like. Part of me wants to believe that she has changed and we are doing alright, but another part of me says things will never be better than they are now and this is not what I pictured my life as a married man would be like. My parents have a terrible marriage but stay together because Jesus said so and my father is always telling me that this is just how marriage is. Eventually the woman turns into a bitch that doesn't want to touch you and the man turns into a lazy slob who hates his life. I can't believe that all or even most relationships are doomed to end up like that.

What would you do in my shoes?