The sky our canvas
A silent board to paint a view
To paint the sky a lighter blue
But we seem to've lost our skill
We hold dirty brushes
The water's never changed
All our paints have dried
The oils have leeched out
The paint's placed in patchy plots
Scribbled lines of mess' mistakes
We're so good at thinking pretty pictures
But bad at making them real
Posted Jul 1, 2019, 1:57 AM UTC
Good intentions gone awry. An environmental theme perhaps?
Actually yes, one of the main intentions of the poem was to spread an environmental message but I didn't want to say it too directly so I used a painting metaphor
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Love this! Good imagery and it reads well. Your final line is killer. I would add the occasional and at the beginning of some lines just for flow. Good Job
I really like it. To me, the sky painting represents the hope and idealism shared by humanity. The problem with that is humanity. Humans have flaws and we like to pass the blame and responsibility on to others for how our sky painting is going. No single individual can clean the water and the brushes. It's a group skill, perhaps a skill lost because the world has become more and more complex while we become more and more alienated. Were satisfied with sticking those glow in the dark stars in our room and calling it a day.
It's like an earth size expectation vs reality cake.
I really enjoyed how the poem is written. You started with a simple abb rhyme to give the “beautiful” part of the poem a nice flow, then as the poem progresses, that rhyme disappears. The rhyme disappears and the poem gets darker, essentially. I think it really helped with the tone.
I’m glad this showed up in my feed. Hat tip to you
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I really enjoy this poem.
The three lines...
The oils have leeched out
The paint's placed in patchy plots
Scribbled lines of mess' mistake
are perfect, I keep reading them over and over again.
I can feel and see this moment, in both the moment of creating a painting and in the horrid things we are doing to our environment.
The first three lines don't hold the same power for me. Especially the 3rd line. My suggestion (if you still wish to edit this poem.) would be to bring more action to it and a deeper feeling then a "lighter blue."
But whatever you do this is a brilliant poem. I will be following you for more.
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Thank you for your kind feedback! I've never thought about interpreting the poem in a way that we spend too much time creating and not living, but I really like that too.