Myself
Trapped in this empty shell
This void, this hell
In it there’s nothing else
But myself
I search far and wide
Nothing to be found
There’s no one around
But myself
I wish there was something else
In this life
For me to find
But myself
My greatest enemy
My eternal foe
Is nobody else
But myself
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Posted Jul 3, 2019, 8:09 PM UTC · edited
37
It's a bit repetitive. You didn't tell us anything new after the second bit. You didn't use interesting words or put words together in a way that was interesting.
That's not to say that it's not important to yourself and I am only critiquing it on my level of satisfaction from reading it.
You've started with the description of a void but for me, that is an end point because everything goes into the void and doesn't come back, there is no more and nowhere else for us to go as a reader.
I appreciate the feedback, even if it’s negative. The repetition was intentional, and part of the poem, but that’s perfectly fine if you didn’t enjoy it.
It wasn't written with negativity, just trying to be honest :) I've literally come across this subreddit today and decided to take it upon myself to contribute, I just wanted to give my thoughts. I think it's brilliant that you're writing poetry and letting us see it.