Blood Family isn't Everything
Okay I'm pretty new to all of this, but I've been writing little things here and there as a form of therapy or saying things to people that I normally wouldn't be able to say in person. So please give me some honest feedback because I would actually like this person to see this piece of work, but I want to edit it correctly.
Blood Family Isn't Everything
Since day number one, you've been there. Through the dark times, through the light. You've talked me through the roughest night, All because you care.
Though seasons pass and days may fall, I know one thing will remain the same- The one thing that has been here since the day you came. Your love will forever stand tall.
As I sit here writing this, I think of one thing. You once told me "blood family isn't everything." And it takes me to a place of bliss.
So thank you, Dear Friend, For being everything I need and more. I need to say one thing for sure: I promise to be here until the end.
Posted Jul 14, 2019, 3:25 PM UTC
It's wonderful that you'll be sharing your work with someone you care for, and the message is a true one!
I have a few light suggestions although there's nothing wrong with your original if you don't agree with my tips.
I would drop "number" and "the" in "Through the dark times," I would leave it in "through the light," though. Maybe even change it to "Through dark times, and the light."
I would change to "I know one thing will remain the same, and has been since the day you came." I just feel it flows a bit better and still relays the original message.
I hope this was helpful, and if not, please know I still enjoy your original! Good luck with showing this to your person.
Thank you so much! That was actually extremely helpful and I'll use the tips!!