Sometimes things just get better, and sometimes they just get worse and worse

Senior year of high school I was at rock bottom and I decided that I was just going to kill myself that summer. Through the most unlikely circumstances I ended up on a boat for some stupid graduation party and this girl I hadn't talked to or noticed for over 6 years decided that next to me seemed like the best place to fall asleep. I lent her my sweatshirt because she was visibly shivering, and over the next month she managed to get me to hang out with my friend again. My friend decided we would make a good couple, and she asked me out in his car. We were both depressed out of our minds and we pulled each other to the doctor's and to therapy. We've been together for 2 years and she is the only thing that still makes me happy constantly.

She's also the only thing that stays constantly positive with me. My mother doesn't understand depression past being sad, so if I'm happy I must be cured, and my (only) friend and I stopped talking before he got pissed off about us not talking and decided to do some more not talking. As if that wasn't enough, my memory has steadily declined over the past 3-5 years as well. I'll set alarms for things, write notes down, and say things in conversations that I will have absolute 0 memory of in the future.

So here I am. Just slightly less lonely than i was 2 years ago, and with 1 more reason not to kill myself. Originally I was going to try to make this either a please help me feel better or a please don't kill yourself, but now I'm just getting my story out there because nobody else will hear it.

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