Source
r/dating_advice•
Mapkar

Recovering from a bad experience or moving on? What should I do?

So here’s a brief primer on our history. We are both adults, 29M/29F. We meet a month ago on a dating app and started texting. Eventually we met for a first date that went really well. Since then, we’ve been on four successful dates. And it’s been great so far. Which brings us to yesterday. A week ago she asked if I’d like to take a trip to a nearby city. It’s about a 2 hour ride, nothing major. That’s where it all gets rough.

I pick her up, and we start the drive. It’s not a bad ride there but she’s insisting on playing music instead of talking. Once we got parked in town, we started walking around a bit. The entire time she’s sort of standoffish, which isn’t how she usually acts. We stop in a few stores and have lunch, but she’s pretty disengaged. We ended up walking back to the car pretty quick, and she didn’t really want talk the entire way home. She sent a few texts and sang a few songs on the radio. And when I dropped her off her goodbye was abrupt an jarring. The whole thing was off, and it was out of character for her.

Should I reach out to her? Let her reach out to me? Assume it’s all over and call it a day?

This hurts and is horrible and it feels like I’ve done something or it’s all fallen apart, and now it’s my turn to ask for advice.

An Update:

Well folks, I appreciate your help. I reached out to her and she told me she didn’t feel a click between us, and that while she thought I’m a nice guy, it’s over for us. I’ve seen it a lot here and I always hate it for everyone who gets rejected, but now it’s my turn for this part too. It’s a lonely journey, and it starts today.

Posted Jul 31, 2019, 4:34 PM UTC · edited

215
spicy_fart•

I’d say be honest with her, but tread carefully as to not come off accusatory or angry in any way. Something like,

“Is it just me or was there something off about our trip? I was excited to go, but it seemed like you weren’t having the best time. Maybe I’m just overthinking things, but I wanted to make sure we’re still cool because I enjoy your company!”

3
Holywhoops•

Try reaching out to her just to save yourself from putting too much time emotionally into something that might not work out and just hurt you more in the end

2
bohemiaqueeny•

I know it sounds mad but sometimes that’s just humans for you. Perhaps take a look at you’ve been with her? Is she always initiating everything? It’s a pretty big thing for a girl to ask a guy to go and spend a day in another city for the day. Did you show enough interest in your previous dates and texts? Have you spoken since that city break?

2
MapkarOP•

I’d say we’re fifty fifty on initiating stuff. I thought I’ve shown enough interest. Maybe I haven’t been as forward as I thought? We haven’t spoken yet, this just happened yesterday.

1
bohemiaqueeny•

I’d message her :) girls love the guy messaging first. Ask her if she was okay on the last date

2
MapkarOP•

I did! It went about as awful as the trip.

It’s done. She was just going to do the ghost thing, but because I asked I got an answer. I’m content with that, albeit with an immensely crushed spirit.

1
bohemiaqueeny•

So good you messaged her! You had nothing to loose! And if you really think she meant that she doesn’t want to see you again then ‘oh well’ big whoop! Don’t worry about it!

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

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1
bohemiaqueeny•

Hmm she obviously invited you to spend a day in another city with her, so she must like you. If she didn’t then she wouldn’t have been so obviously rude. I think it was her way of gauging how much you like her by how you reacted to her coldness. Girls (including me) do this as a test.

1
[deleted]•

This sounds snarky and I don't mean it this way but the internet...but really? I don't date so I don't know what games I, as a woman, are expected to play. I genuinely find this shocking.

2
Sneakyceze•

Me personally , I’m not into the games , it does sound right on thoe , she’s testing you , i would waiting till she contacts you first ,

2
[deleted]•

Me neither. This whole thing makes me itchy. Games, tests, etc.

1
Sneakyceze•

The good thing is there’s a lot of girls that arnt like that man , the ones where you just vibe with , no awkardedness ,

2