Soccer = Evil b/c it starts with S just like socialism, satanism, and sodomy. Also b/c you can't use your God-given arms and hands. [VID]

Poe's law?

Other good bits:

It's played by Negros, not American Negros, but European Negros.

It's played by Mexicans from Brazil, Central America, and Uruguay.

All communist countries play soccer but none play American football where you can use your arms and hands.

Some people deserve honorary, preemptive Darwin awards.

It's a rigourous as any other christian argument.

So suckers, socks, soap, sleep, and snuggling are also bad? FUCK THAT!

And Sister Sarah Palin

Salvation? Savior?