Source
r/relationships•
bratchels

How do I tell a friend that we are not using their business to build our pool?

[new]

First off, I understand that this is completely a first world problem. My husband and I have decided to build a pool at our new house. We have been close friends with a couple for almost 10 years (vacations, BBQs, birthdays, etc.). They own a pool business and are GREAT at what they do. We asked for a pool quote from them a month ago and they came back with a price of $101k (YIKES!). We know they do great work and that we would get a quality product.

The issue is that we are not stupid with our money and asked for quotes from 2 other companies. 1 hasn’t even gotten back to us, but the other company designed us an amazing pool with all of the features and things we want (and more!) for over $20k less than our friends quoted us.

The other company has great reviews on all platforms and the owner was VERY transparent with his pricing (he line itemed everything with exact prices). We have decided to go with the other company, but have NO idea how to tell our close friends that we are not going with them. We don’t want this to end things (or make them act differently towards us).

We have another friend who built a pool with a different company and they don’t speak anymore (they say it’s because the other friends didn’t even let them have a seat at the table with a quote).

HELP!

TLDR; need help telling our friends that we are not using their company to build a pool.

Posted Aug 6, 2019, 3:10 AM UTC

3238
AmbitiousForce•

You should let them know that you got a better offer. If you are are really good friends, why didn't you give them a chance to rebid or explain why their bid was so much more?

67
bratchelsOP•

That’s definitely an option. I just have a feeling they won’t even entertain a rebid. And i KNOW that they are going to talk poorly of whatever builder we go with (no matter how great they are) because that’s just his personality.

12
AmbitiousForce•

Even if they don't want to revise their bid, you will be in the clear as far as honoring your friendship. And since you know that he's going to trash talk his competitor, you don't have to take any of it personally.

41
bratchelsOP•

Great idea! We don’t even need to tell them that we chose someone else yet. And MAYBE they’ll revise their bid. But if they don’t, then we can break the real news.

14
bigboog1•

They have a serious issue if they can't separate business and friendship. If they can't reduce their quote, that's not your fault thats just business. I'd show them the quote, take the other company name off, and see what they do. If they get all pissy and won't adjust their quote thats it. But here is the thing if they cut it to say 75k, they were going to rip you off, a supposed "friend", thats a 25% cost reduction which was all just overcharge. I would rather him say "sorry I can't do it my overhead is too high."

17
onelegsexyasskicker•

Dont tell them who you got the bid from if you dont need to.

9
LaLaLaaaNotListening•

Don't even mention what company you're going with. That way they can't shit talk them.

5
Grammarisntdifficult•

"definitely an option" it's the only sensible option, why are you even bothering with other options

3
friendlily•

Just tell them their bid is outside of your budget and don't make a big deal about it. If they unfriend you because of this, they're horrible friends and even worse business owners.

37
RoamingAmber•

Have you already told the other company you’re going with them?

If your issue is with price and not with the quality of your friends’ work, I’d be completely transparent about that. “We love the pool you designed for us, but our absolute maximum budget is 80K. We don’t want to be the friends who ask for you to do work for less than your regular prices, so we’ve gotta go with Company B.”

It’s possible your friends will come back with an offer that’s more reasonable for you and still gives you a great pool.

27
bratchelsOP•

We haven’t. I think we’re just nervous how they’re going to react to us even getting a quote from someone else. The male owner is very over the top sometimes. But that’s why we love him.

8
RoamingAmber•

Sometimes in friendship you have to creatively deal with the bad to keep the good, I get it. It sounds like a little ego stroking may be in order so come at this from the angle of knowing his company is the best, but expensive, and you had to grab a quote from someone more “average” as a backup to keep from breaking your budget.

20
bratchelsOP•

This is DEFINITELY going to be part of our conversation! Thanks!

9
LaLaLaaaNotListening•

Walking on eggshells because you're afraid of someone's reaction does NOT sound like a quality friendship.

6
Grammarisntdifficult•

Yeah that "we're afraid of his reaction/he's over the top/that's why we love him" makes him sound like a wanker and OP sound a bit simple.

4
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
homelessscootaloo•

What kind of pool are you buying??

Olympic size with slides and diving boards??

17
thisismy2ndaccting•

In ground with a patio area and significant site prep. And the fence.

7
LaLaLaaaNotListening•

Are you OP on a throwaway??

6
thisismy2ndaccting•

Nope. Just got quotes when we were thinking of doing the same. In ground pools are much more expensive than you think initially. Then you get into the engineering and the mechanical side and stuff and it all makes sense.

Edit additional comment from OP

A free form pool with a spa attached. It’s a bit more expensive where i live because there’s limestone 1’ under the ground that has to be excavated.

ZING! Extensive site prep for the win! Swap patio for spa.

10
copperbracelet•

Tell them you have a rock-solid principle of never mixing business with friends or family. Because really, you should never do that. Say, "Our relationship with you is too important to risk it if a business deal goes south for whatever reason--so we're having Company B build our pool, and you will be the first people we'll invite."

15
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
KinkieKutie•

Just let them know you got a better offer, it shouldnt be any hard feelings because you want to save money. They have a different quote for a reason.

13
noodeling•

I'd literally make it as simple as, "thank you so much for your offer, but we've decided to go with a different business and lower priced quote."

If they lower their own quote, well it's slightly dodgy that they'd upcharge you 20k, especially as a friend. If they take it badly, well that's what happens when you mix business into the works a bit - feelings are hurt. But remember you owe no apologies!

7
snowonelikesme•

it is business, if he takes it personally he is not a good business person. also how the hell is he ok with charging that much did he quote you for the top of the line model. if the specs of the other guys are 20k less and are suitable it makes me think this guy quoted you over the top in the way of showing off instead of treating you like a customer.

5
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
n33z4•

Pretty sure it says 20k less aka 80k still

1
Katrinashiny•

“We appreciate your offer but we found another company who’s work fits more comfortably in our budget.” Either 1) they’re good people who will understand or 2) they’re shitty people who will get angry that you didn’t give them money and you’ll find that out and save $20k in the process.

5
lilltlc•

I feel business and friendship do not go together. I would tell them that. I, in the first place, would not have asked them for a quote at all.

Things go bad. What if you gave the job to your friend, then he starts, and come back and tell you there is a problem, and it is going to $x more than they quoted you? Say this now pushed you out of your budget? This is just a quick example.

If they are a good friend, I would not want to take a chance and ruin that.

4
peacelovehappiness27•

Like others have said, tell them you got a lower quote. They may try to match it. If not, just explain that theirs isn’t within your budget and has nothing to do with them personally.

If you lose their friendship, remember that they wanted you to pay $20,000 to keep it.

3
rva1973•

Just tell them you got a quality offer at a significantly lower price

2
bratchelsOP•

A free form pool with a spa attached. It’s a bit more expensive where i live because there’s limestone 1’ under the ground that has to be excavated.

2
thisismy2ndaccting•

That sounds amazing and I hope it all goes smoothly.

2
tandoori_taco_cat•

Mixing business with friendship is bad news.

2
Leotardleotard•

A few questions.

Are all the bidding contractors working off the same design?

Did somebody produce a specification and scope of works?

Has somebody run the rule over the two bids. Do they include for the same cost items and finishes? Ie: will both contractors dig out the pool area, will they take the waste away, is the tiling spec the same etc.

I’d make sure both bids are back to back, if so then your buddy has added an extra 20% GP for himself or his purchasing / negotiating skills are terrible

2
bratchelsOP•

Actually, more is included with the cheaper bid (tree removal, gas line piping, etc.). Our friends didn’t even give us a line item bid, so we have no idea what their costs are. And they both drew their own plans based on what we said we wanted. They’re pretty similar design-wise.

1
Leotardleotard•

Seems a no brainer then. You received a far more comprehensive bid, for a much cheaper price.

The detail in the cheaper bid will also safeguard both you and your friend as there’s no ambiguity between your expectations and your friend’s proposal.

Enjoy your pool 😃

2
msteacher01•

“Hey, I’m so sorry. I know when we asked you for a quote we got quite a bit of a sticker shock. We really thought that what we wanted was going to be closer to 60k (throw a random really low number out there). We’ve been dreaming of this for years and another friend recommended a company that said that can do it for around $70k. We really would love to give you our business but we just don’t have that money. We are in no way asking you to lower your price or get a “friend discount” and hope you understand why we had to go another route!

I would add the last sentence because you never know if the other couple asked them for another quote or there was miscommunication on “you’re my friend it should be cheaper”

2
bratchelsOP•

Thank you!

1