Why should I keep going?

I don't know where to begin.

My name is Pasquale. I have Asperger's Syndrome (including all the wonderful things that come with it like ADHD and overstimulation issues). I have not had a good life.

I have 3 siblings, 2 of which are legally mentally ill, the other 1 is intelligent but has been institutionalized a few times. My parents are deceased. My mother died in August of 1990 from Lung Cancer. She was in her mid-30s at the time.

My father barely took care of us for 7 years before giving up in November of 1997. It was a combination of Diabetes, an infection in his leg that was gangrenous, and the flu, which prevented him from being able to treat his leg and take his insulin. The day he died is burned into my mind as the worst day of my existence, watching him soil himself and not wake up from his diabetic coma. I regret not calling the hospital sooner and I blame myself for his death.

I did not get diagnosed for Asperger's Syndrome until December of 2009. It explains everything that is wrong with me. My entire life, I never really cared for living. I've always had suicidal thoughts, but never followed through on any of them (although I hit myself as hard as I can when it gets really frustrating, as I don't know how to handle or understand my emotions).

My entire life up until this point has been pain and suffering to the point of numbness. I can't even be happy knowing I have a loving girlfriend of over 10 years that's willing to take care of me since I never learned how to take care of myself.

My education is poor. I barely went to school. There were constant threats of being taken away from my father because he did not take care of us. I can only assume he gave up living after losing his wife so early. He was in poor health, had several heart attacks in his 30s, and was overweight until he was diagnosed with really bad diabetes, then he lost weight. He had circulation problems and was very paranoid, keeping up in a bubble away from family and other people.

Because I didn't go to school, my education is incomplete and poor. I lack common sense, and I'm constantly in pain from touching certain fabrics and materials (including my hands touching each other, or anything touching my face). I don't really want to keep going because on top of all the pain and misery, I don't have too many friends.

I can probably count on one hand all of the people I communicate with on a daily basis. Because I don't have many friends, I spend quite a bit of time alone (unemployed due to condition, fighting for disability), completely broke, trying not to let the negative thoughts take over, but it's hard.

I love playing piano. I want to share my music with the world but I don't know how. I've posted a few links here and there but no one seems to care. What I do or say is not important, and I feel it's better that I just give up instead of living my life in between the cracks of society.

So now that you know my story, why should I keep on going? If this gets any attention at all, I will answer all comments to the best to my ability. If it goes unread, it'll probably end up being one of my last cries for help.