Child's Play
My tiny phalanges pounce on
a micro pieris rapae.
White dust fluttered onto my
trigger and thumb.
At first it was velvety but
it began to burn.
For a heartbeat, my egghead
chickened-out.
Little me hadn't intended to
X-out the ivory butterfly.
Little me hadn't anticipated I could.
Reflexively, I put my paw
into my fly trap. It tasted
absinthal and stung my tongue.
I flung the coryphee into the
sharp grass. Gracefully, it did
the grim reapers waltz, with its
wings sealed shut by my drool.
The simple sting? and throb in my
fingers. I looked up at the fully grown.
watched them.
I let it hurt and didn't chew a word.
Feedback:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cn5mf7/sharethread_august_07_2019/ewh6z62/?context=3
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cocjg0/toxic_boxers/
Posted Aug 10, 2019, 6:34 AM UTC
Right, so, if I'm right, this is about a kid eating a bug. It's a really simple story, presented as a surreal tale filled with science-y words and chaotic line breaks. Every line of this is art, like every word was chosen to be as chaotic as possible. Not sure why you decided to write it like this, but it is definitely interesting.
Thank you for the response and compliments! And yes, you are correct about this story being about a child eating a bug. It is supposed to be science-y and existentially chaotic mingling with a childlike curiosity almost as if it were a nursery rhyme. I'm still working on it especially the last bit. Thanks!
No prob. It's a very interesting poem, and I learned some new words from it.