Why Didn't People Say Anything?

Throughout my entire life I have lived in the grey area between too far and a good life.

I never got into too much trouble as a teenager but I did enough, I started smoking cigs at age 14 and presented with typical enough symptoms. Ever since I was in school I would have periods where I would wake up at 4am and complete my school for the entire day in 2 hours or less (Homeschooled) followed by long stretches of apathy and seeming inability to complete my work in any time frame given. I was dual enrolled at a school and those who noticed said I should see my doctor because I have severe ADHD. This was always met by parents who told me I was too smart to have any mental conditions and that if I was to be diagnosed with ADHD "I'd get prescribed meth" so seeing a psychiatrist for any reason was not an option I had.

In highschool I was deeply, deeply religious. We moved from overseas back to the US during my senior year and I picked up back where I left off. I grew to realize I didn't think quite the same as other people around me and most other people in my year weren't interested in knowing me for a variety of reasons I can see clearly looking back now. This is somewhat where shit starts to go off the rails.

I hadn't had done anything other than smoke cigarettes up until the time I was 16 years old and I had my first drink--scotch from the liqour cabinet. I had just broken up with my girlfriend of 3 years who was still overseas and my bestfriend at the time (Bipolar 1 + Borderline). This is where my episodes became out of the "norm" for kids that age, I did not drink to excess and I drank very rarely for another year until I was 17.

It doesn't convey in this post but between episodes of complete isolation and then other "seasons" where I'd make all new friends and think I was God; I can only look back and wonder why no one said anything? I know in part that it was because no one knew me long enough to be able to say anything...

I ended up moving out before a bit before my 18th birthday. Sink or swim I was manic and determined to make it, I actually did and I'm somewhat impressed every day. I broke up with the Sam from youth group when I was 18, the relationship had gone berserk, she was back to crack after being sober for 3 years and it's because I dragged her from stability. I was a wild drunk spending $400 a month on handles of liquor every 2 weeks at 18. This was the first time I heard anything about my condition; you see the reason my ex and I "worked" was because I had a lot of coping mechanisms and I always new just what to say to help or to motivate. I had always told her that I knew exactly how she felt on a lot of things and early in the relationship there was disagreement over this until she saw it true.

Now during the most awful, drawn out breakup I've ever had do I hear someone say "Oh and by the way, I think you're bipolar". I just about lost my mind on that poor girl that day; all of my cycles of isolation, depression, overzealous spending, and erratic behaviors continued on in full force progressively getting worse until the beginning of this year. While wasted and re-evaluating my life I realized I needed to see a psychiatrist, I went and discussed my life, feelings and symptoms; that's where the diagnosis of BPD 1 came about and after being on Seroquel life is much much better being stable.

The entire point of this post is that between the years of 17 and 20 I was episodic, loosing jobs, buying motorcycles, and generally pretty out of control and no one said anything... I hold a lot of judgment over people who saw and told me I was out of control without telling me I needed genuine help. The old adage of being a rowdy teenager negatively impacted my life and the lives of other around me.

Sorry for the wall of text. It doesn't do the situation justice at all and I'm a little scatterbrained today so it could have been typed better.

TLDR; A rant about how other people don't see that the war of Bipolar isn't a war of self discipline, it's a war of one half of me against the other and there's no winning because both sides are equally armed and equally intelligent as the other.