Our Red Letter Pet Shop Boys
Posted Aug 22, 2019, 5:05 AM UTC
1.4K156
This just in, 88 year old actor William Shatner of Star Track fame rushed to hospital after shattering every bone in his body falling from a ladder in a mysterious warehouse in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In a 911 call made from the scene of the incident, a shrill screech can be heard in the background -presumably a woman, infant or juvenile hyena, perhaps the cause of the incident - while the caller attempts to describe the extent of Shatner's injuries.
More at 11.
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We dropped a ladder on him! Oh my, God!
You know Jay, this reminds me of the ending of Star Trek Generations when....
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It's only a matter of time...before the animals get to him.
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Somehow through it all, he landed on Mike, trapping him underneath. Mike had to watch the dogs come dig into the Shat.
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"Reports are coming in that Mr Shatner was in a feverish condition, deliriously moaning a single word, 'Plinketto... Plinketto...'. City officials say they do not know the meaning of the mysterious term, but are exploring the possibility that underground cinemasochism gangs may be involved..."
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“This just in: Mr Shatner is awake, but all he can say is ‘Not Deathstalker 3’. More at 8.”
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Cinemasochism is my new favorite word.
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Yeah, I was quite pleased with that one :-)
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Curious onlookers described the gruesome scene as a "tums festival".
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I heard Rich's laugh after I read your comment.
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Thanks to an Earwitness testimony by u/smoke_crack we have now conclusive evidence that this incident may in fact be a crime perpetrated against Shatner in a concerted effort to cause harm to the infamous senior citizen; a "Rich" is being sought out for further questioning at this time.
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88 year old actor William Shatne
I thought you were being hyperbolic here and just trying to make him sound aged and out of touch....but HOLY SHIT, he is eighty fucking eight years old!
Believe it or not, this dude right here is damn near 90: https://www.htxt.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/William-Shatner-Comic-Con.jpg
It's like the guy doesn't age.
What's amazing is this guy has been obese for decades and an avid drinker for his whole life, but looks better than your average 60 year old man despite being 50% older. Simply amazing.
Whatever surgeons have been fixing his hair and face for the last 60 years have earned every penny. Incredible.
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I think he has some kind of special regimen that involves a jelly made from children
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Star Trek Captains never age.
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i dunno... you seen janeway recently?
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Shatner isn't and has never been obese
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Medically obese isn't as fat as you might think.
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Bingo. Obese doesn't mean "immobile." Fat has been normalized so much, that people don't know the amount of fat on your body that changes your medical well-being. Spoiler>!: it ain't that much. !<
Bill, has, verifiably been obese since the 70s
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His weight is said to be in the mid 200s somewhere (tabloids say up to 300, but I'm betting that's exaggerated). At 5'10", that's definitely obese.
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Shatner browses /tv/, how could he not know RLM?
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I think he's trying to be polite.
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He's a redditor and in one of his posts acknowledged the Star Trek 5 commentary track, although seemingly unaware that it ripped his film apart.
He also said he didn't have time for a 3 hour review of the Phanton Menace when someone asked if he'd seen it.
...Not that I stalk his reddit account or anything...
He must have an inkling of who they are, even if it's just things people have mentioned to him.
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he's also 140 years old, I wouldn't be surprised if he just forgot all about it, or didn't remember their name
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He said something along the lines of "I don't want to spend 3 hours on a review for a 2 hour movie."
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got a link to that?
I mean, his next gen reviews aren't quite as long and are pretty "kirk" positive.
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http://i.imgur.com/0VPoTUY.png
This is his reddit profile if you want to find it in there:
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Next special guest confirmed
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It would be the last episode as Mike’s heart would grow three sizes that day and, sadly, explode.
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Idk, feels like a bit of a step backwards. I mean, how can you follow up Rich Evans? That guy was on Ellen!
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He met Julia Roberts!
Julia Roberts met him!
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I still can't believe that ever happened.
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Lol
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Shatner's way too far up his own ass.
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Yeah this will never happen. I imagine it would be awkward anyway, the guy is a twat.
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They should bring him on and only allow Mike to talk about Boston Legal.
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I like Bill. He's a nice man, and he's got a great merkin.
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Yours is my favorite comment on my post
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This reminds me of that episode of Star Trek where William Shatner was on.
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In a Midwest town in dead end jobs,
Mike and Jay are just hack frauds
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Sometimes you're better off dead
There's a droid in your crotch and you're jerking off it's head
You think you're diabetic, too unstable
Stumbling on chairs and falling on tables
In a studio in a mid west town
Call the police Rich Evan's around
Fallign down on the ground
on The Man Hole of the mid west town
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falling on chables
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Magnificent :-)
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I am saving these RLM poem-comments.
Simply amazing. Please post more everyone.
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Oh I'm not that original, I was just rewriting the lyrics to "West End Girls" by Pet Shop Boys
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That works too well.
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Mike busted a nut for sure
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Yeah. I mean how can someone consistently banepost, but not know RLM.
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RLM is the new Perez Hilton.
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This would the ultimate crossover. Then we can start the RLM/washed up Star Trek actors universe
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Oh dear
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Red Leather Dude is Jays nickname at the Manhole.
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I would love Shatner to do RLM with both Mike and Rich Evans and that be the one episode that no one brings up Star Trek, they just have Shatner drop the Plinketto ball and they all watch and discuss some bad movies, not even Sci-Fi ones.
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Mike wouldn't be able to control himself.
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I believe in Mike Stoklasa. He can do it.
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one episode that no one brings up
I'm out of the loop. Which episode are you referring to?
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The hypothetical episode of Best of the Worst with William Shatner as guest (but you can insert re:View, Half in the Bag, or whatever other RLM show on which you think he could be a guest)
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oh man, i COMPLETELY misread your comment, sorry.
I thought you said they wouldn't be discussing "that one episode of Star Trek that no one brings up," as if there was some "black sheep" episode. I'm thinking like the two unreleased episodes of family guy level of "that one episode." Ya know?
But i read it again and get what you're saying; I just had a brain fart.
Thanks for taking the time to respond though! sorry again.
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I'm thinking like the two unreleased episodes of family guy
say hwhat?
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All the references will be about Tek War.
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Plinketto where every movie is Star Trek V.
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Dunno... I feel like it's that Community episode with Levar Burton, awesome in theory but something that would fanboy Mike and Rich into silence.
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Yeah. Mike is way too into the Tek War novels.
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If this happens...
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Well he is 88, may not be on the youtube much
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he is 88
Read that above, could not believe. The guy looks amazing... like "thinking about retirement" age looks NOT "thinking about becoming the oldest living actor" looks.
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Here's hoping for that Star Trek: Beyond Re:View and 32 minutes of awkward silence.
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So, Bill, what did you think of... The Beyond, directed by Lucio Fulci?
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I can't read a Shatner tweet without hearing it in his voice. One of Hollywood's greatest voices.
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Needs more... ellipses.
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I feel like if this happened Mike would suddenly become a different person, all the years of alcoholism and depression would fade away in an instant
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You know what would be great? If they managed to get Shatner and didn't mention Star Trek once.
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haha, that'd be hilarious.
Just tons of "Boston Legal," "Twilight Zone," and "TJ Hooker" references instead.
The fans would lose their shit.
edit: and lots of moments where Shatner is leading into an OBVIOUS trek nod, and just a zoom into to Mike's stifled, purse-lipped face trying not to burst into a reference speech.
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and now Bill says he's looking into them. this is crazy. and macaulay culkin chimed in too.
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I didn’t know I needed Shatner on screen with Mike until now. Lots of awkward silences.
I want to see Shatner’s face when Mike says, “this reminds me of that episode from Star Trek Voyager”...
“Are you still ghost writing those stupid Kirk books, you fat FUCK?”
I don't think William Shatner would say that to Mike. Mr. Shatner is a classy guy.
I'm tired of posting the same thing over and over but c'mon guys, it's not fan fiction. Mike writes EROTICA
Plus, no one is ghost writing Mike's books, Mikes writing ghost books.
I can hear this
Meeting William Shatner reminded me of the episode of DS9 when they go back to the episode The Trouble With Tribbles, and meet the original crew. This episode also reveals that Dax knew the real reason why Bones got his nickname.
Isn't Dax the guy that's married to Kirsten Bell?
One of the lesser hosts.
Go away! Symbiotin'!
I want to see Shatner's face when Mike makes fun of the elderly.
30 minutes of mike and Shatner trading looks of disgust while trying to talk about Star trek Discovery.
Shatner on Best of the Worst, and it's an hour of Mike, Shatner and Rich talking about Star Trek while Jay looks at the camera like he's slowly going insane.
There would be nothing slow about that.
They could do a best of the worst with Shatner, featuring only Shatner films (Kingdom of the Spiders anyone?). Something tells me he wouldn't appreciate the joke though
They could mention Shatner's terrible cover of Pulp's most famous song that Shatner did for some bizarre reason.
How dare you. Does the Captain of the Starship really need a reason for doing something?
Has Been isn't the greatest album, not even the greatest Shatner album (2011's Ponder the Mystery), but the collaboration with Ben Folds really elevates Bill's oft-parodied spoken-word gravitas with arrangements and heartfelt subject matter that leaves the listener feeling closer to Star Trek's original captain.
Once the punk-rock of the first track fades, it gives way to a picture of a man in his 70s with a fair share of regret, wondering how much time he has left, and if it will ever be enough to make things right.
Shatner reminisces to dreamy jazz, trippy guitar, and gets dangerously close to actually singing at several points in the album without betraying his signature style. The titular track is perhaps lacking in self-awareness, though this serves the whimsical image Shatner's musical career has created despite decades of haven't-done-Jacks and never-says-Dicks accusing him of being a Has Been.
The album winds down with I Can't Get Behind That, which is basically three minutes of Bill and Henry Rollins yelling about things. Aaand then there's the final track, Real, featuring Brad Paisley. Even as a Shatner fan, I just can't get behind that.
edit: I'd be remiss in my duties if I didn't link Shatner rapping some Shakespeare from the 1999 film Free Enterprise featuring Rated R
help mommy
Fuck you, that cover is the greatest thing shatner has ever produced
No way shatner trashes discovery publicly. He needs those appearance checks for the rent, they have to keep coming.
I think I've seen a show like that somewhere…
They could do a Re:View of TekWar.
Was there a movie of that as well?
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Shatner to Jay: "I thought we were going to talk about movies, he won't stop talking about Star Trek"
Jay: "if it makes you feel better, this has nothing to do with you being here."
It would be like a real life Galaxy Quest!
Mike will cry like a little school girl if Shatner refuses to come on.
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Yeah, he was already so nervous with Patton Oswalt. It was cute.
Never meet your heroes.