Everyone except for you.. Boo Hoo

To me this is the most likely story of Jesus:

• Mary goes out to a party. People are drunk. She gets raped, and gets the preggers.

• Because of where she is, the norm is arranged marriage and death penalty for infidelity.

• Not wanting to be stoned to death she comes out lying "It's a miracle! A virgin birth!"

• Jesus is born. Some random dudes visit with gifts (feeling guilty for raping her 9 months ago and causing all this trouble).

• Jesus grows up hearing everyone around him calling him a miracle child

• He tries to live a normal life and becomes a carpenter

• He finds carpentry is hard and he can actually do better by just playing into his title of 'miracle child'. People will even give him free stuff just for his 'blessing'.

• He performs some simple illusions to solidify peoples beliefs that he is divine and magical.

If anything is inaccurate in this please correct me, but I think this is the most logical origin story for Jesus.

Well duh

Oh, wow, you're right! Didn't catch that one.