I want to join a club that he’s eboard on and it’s been holding me back. in need of some advice

it’s been about 9/10 months since the breakup with my first ex and we haven’t had a mutual conversation in about 2-3 months. I’m no longer crying about him nonstop or wishing we could get back together. It’s in the past and I don’t want to go back to him

We go to the same campus now and it’s been a hard adjustment for me with the transfer this school year, but I’ve been reminding myself that this is also my campus now too, not just his. We can exist in the same space.

Now, there’s a club that I’ve been really interested in joining, but he’s part of the e-board so the chances of running into him are very likely. I wouldn’t want to engage with him but I don’t want to have his presence hold me back from enjoying my time here either.

I’ve been doing my best to get involved in culture clubs since the campus I transferred to and am at now is a PWI. My old campus was very diverse and I absolutely loved it, so I’m in desperate need of those cultural spaces that are offered here. My ex is white and he’s said some problematic things about race while we were dating, so it rubs me the wrong way to see that he’s involved these types of clubs. I joined a Black Lives Matter group me and was having a blast until I saw that he joined it later on and posts messages.

Maybe he’s changed, I don’t know and I wouldn’t want to prevent him from doing that. But it’s a bit frustrating to have that sense of space just get occupied like that. Maybe I’m overreacting I don’t know.

I guess I’m just nervous to possibly see him again. Even if I’ve moved on from him romantically and whatnot.

Would it be a good idea to just back off or should I try and go to one of the club meetings? I’ve been putting it off for quite some time now and it’s disheartening, but it’s a club that I absolutely want to participate in.

It just sucks to know that I can still feel my chest tighten and eyes water a bit just at the thought of seeing and hearing him again, even after all the hard work I put in to move on and restructure myself. 😔