I'm so lonely :(

Hey friend. Thanks for making yourself vulnerable enough to share some pretty tough stuff. I’m glad you have this community to talk to.

It may be cliche but people are interested in romantic partners who have interests, some to share, some to do separately, some to keep you fit. What interests do you have? Could you focus on improving yourself for yourself and see if that self-love attracts a partner?

For what it’s worth, there’s a range of ages when sexual maturity occurs, physically and emotionally. There are real late bloomers out there and there’s no shame in being one of them. That bell curve takes almost all comers. Be kind to yourself.

It seems like there are many socially based expectations that you are validating. People who are date-worthy won’t really care about your fulfillment of those expectations, but are indeed harder to find. Allow yourself to stop acting self-consciously, since that usually sends confusing signals to anyone who might be interested. Be who you are and do what you do without filtering it out; it’s easier to catch someone’s interest in an organic way.

Start attending social events related to your interests, or join an online community where people can talk freely about hobbies or interests in common. Be open minded about your own expectations regarding a woman’s look, personality, views, etc. If you just want to start developing experience, go on a fake date with a female friend, and ask her to help you identify social cues that you might be overplaying or missing. Awkwardness is normal during an initial or casual conversation, try to find a specific topic that you can explore (hence the recommendation of joining a community).

If you are really insecure about being sexually inexperienced, try to get in touch with your own body first: genital pleasure is just a minuscule part of satisfying sexual intercourse. Explore sensations centered on other areas of your body and try to imagine what the other person would find pleasing. A good making out session is always a good start, and awkwardness is sometimes part of it (at least at the beginning). Just please don’t be predictable, and don’t let the socially established idea of a man during sex to be what determines your performance, use all of your body to provide the other person with a safe, warm and caring companion.

There seems to be an insecurity around how women can perceive you, but I think you’re also worried about how other men see you. You shouldn’t really care about other people’s perception of you, and male friends should be supportive, understanding and helpful, there is no reason for us not to help each other to be more authentic. Whoever becomes interested in you won’t really care about you being inexperienced, or a little on the thicker side (in fact many people find it attractive as well), shy, not a partygoer, etc.

In summary: try not to underestimate yourself. Get out there and do what you like. Eventually someone will notice. Try to produce an energy of confidence (even if you really feel insecure), remember nobody actually knows what they’re doing so you can just pretend you are like the rest of us. Look at yourself through kind eyes and people will start doing the same if they feel that energy coming from you. I wish you the best and I hope that you are able to find the love you’re needing. (It might sound cliché but you should begin by deeply continue to love and accept yourself exactly as you are and letting others get to know and fall in love with that). Thank you for sharing and if something that I said is not useful or comes out as rude, unnecessary, I sincerely apologize.

Man I didn’t have any gf or kiss or anything til like 18 and senior in HS and shortly after.

I don’t party and pretty awkward. Met my now wife online. And everything is great.

Just focus on yourself. Loneliness will be temporary for you. You have life goals in place and just take it easy.

You’ll run into so many ppl in your life, esp career and random encounters. It’s actually wild.

As long as you aren’t a cynical douchebag that also treats ppl like shit and talks down to ppl. Youre going to find a few ladies to meet and hang with and grow your book of “what to do” in situations and with ppl.

Don’t sweat it. Honestly. Hell. Ppl that haven’t been single in years or decades are probably thinking..god I wish I had ‘me’ time and away from ppl.

Have you tried hopping on Tinder or Bumble? While not 100% they can increase your chances of meeting someone in real life. While you may have to think of things to say, they’re both good tools.

Just dropping in to say, give Models by Mark Manson a read. I think it’ll help contextualize what you’re going through a lot. Best dating advice I’ve ever read.