I just got anxious even typing that out like I was going to jinx it.
I’m doing really well. I’m really happy. I’m gelling at my new job. I’m secure. I’m planning a trip. But I’m always always (always always) waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know?
Posted Oct 10, 2019, 2:03 AM UTC
Yeah definitely. When you're used to everything going to shit all the time it's unfamiliar when that doesn't happen. Very unsettling. I only hope you have the opportunity to get more comfortable with this kind of stability.
Thank you so much, you totally nailed it. I hope so too! I go longer and longer without feeling guilty about it.
What would make you feel guilty? Describe this it that you feel guilty about please.
i think as we understand our own reasoning we will be either more understanding of others or demand better for us all.
I spent years waiting for the next show to drop. Always felt like catastrophe was right around the corner. It pops a little still but mostly it’s gone - thank you AA and ACA and meditation and who knows what else. It took quite a cocktail of behavioral treatments and a good amount of time.
Fuck.
The time I recovered from ED and was finally, finallyputting to rest CSA and the other abuse, my fuck-stick 'boyfriend' raped me and dumped me.
Cue years of heavy drinking.
Cue recovery - get sober, still an adult child. Fuck.
Have break down when I realise getting sober and all the step work won't save me from trauma therapy.
Do trauma therapy with EMDR and start to feel happy again.
Except if I start dating, then the wheels come off the rails. So I hand all that over to HP and now it's not my problem.
When things are good Im constantly expecting them to turn shitty and sometimes I'll just end up creating problems because I'm more comfortable with those feelings. But im working on it because I recognize it!
10000% simply because I feel like I’ve been cursed or something as no matter what, anytime I am about to find my footing from the last blow, here comes another.
Yes when you live a life that we had growing up, it’s hard to finally enjoy some “normalcy” isn’t it? I struggle with this too. But self awareness is key.
Brene Brown calls this "dress rehearsing tragedy" The antidote to this pattern is replacing dread with gratitude
Yeah all the time
Oh yeah. Waiting for that other shoe to drop...
wait this isn’t normal?
Yes. I've been working on this since my dad passed away, 10 years ago now, and it's been a struggle. It was really bad for the first 7 or so years, but I've made a lot of progress. What has helped me a lot is working on recognizing those thoughts when I have them, and I let myself have them, find a way to relax, and move on from them. Sometimes it's difficult, and in those cases I try to distract myself. Reading, going to therapy, learning about trauma has helped me understand why I feel this way, and has been integral to me working towards overcoming and dealing with it.
It's normal considering what my experience was for the first 15 years of my life growing up in a dysfunctional and stressful environment per my dad's alcoholism, and I'd say most ACOA would agree. My older sister has struggled with this as well. That doesn't mean that we need to live in that stress for the rest of our lives and can't have a good life experience. It's difficult to deal with, but only I get to decide how I feel day to day.
Wishing you the best.
Just started a new job after 2 years out of work due to another job failing, divorce, rehab (mental) and pretty much losing my mind. Just worried to have it all come crumbling down again.
New job, new fiancé, new start and life is good. Just so worries to follow the same pattern. So happy right now but feel so uncomfortable waiting for it to all fall apart. I know I just need to be happy and be thankful for all I have and not live in co stand fear of losing it all
Yes. The feeling that the other shoe will drop is a huge one for me. In ACA, the trait is “we are addicted to excitement”. Excitement meaning fear. Not our fault but growing up in chaos, alcoholism, and emotional instability, it’s 100% normal to feel anxious when things are going good. Good luck, friend. I believe this can be healed in time, and with gentleness and patience.
I’m a fatalist and I always conjure up the worst case scenario in my head expecting that to be the outcome. Sure, I can plan the HELL out of things and be prepared but in the back of my mind everything is falling apart and me picking up the pieces.
Edit: a word
Yes, totally! Expect the worst and nothing surprises me.
Yes... and then I self destruct
Yep
Oh yes.
Yessssssssssssssss. I'm about to apply for a promotion at work (that my boss all but guaranteed I'd get) and I'm purposely not telling anyone in my family (of my family-adjacent) just. in. case.
It's helped me to release ownership of the family drama. In my case, there will ALWAYS be drama and I have to chose not to involve myself. Or chose to extricate myself, when I've been involved ;).
Yes!! This exactly. It's sad that you can't share those wins with them, but they lost the right. THIS internet stranger is proud of you at least :)
Thank you :)
Knowing them, they'd wait until the day of the interview to tell me about New Crisis #5654 hahaha.
Literally!! That's what happens for me.
Right. And it's never a real crisis and they don't actually need our help -_-
Love and support atworkkit. We got this.
Yes, I do all the dang time and i hate it! I always think I’m going to die or a love one will die. Good to hear things are going well and God bless you!
Definitely. And it’s funny you mention planning a trip, because that’s usually when the worst shit hits the fan for me. I purposely never tell them when I’m going anywhere, but somehow they always KNOW. I should be happiest when I’m on a trip, but that’s when I’m the most stressed out, because I’m dreading that phone call that someone got drunk and fell down the stairs or something.
Yes, they KNOW when days are important for you. Always. It's worse if you tell them but they really don't have to. I'm so sorry that you stress so much on a trip, that sounds familiar.
Why can’t people or citizens have important days?
Who are the they you don’t tell where you are going? And why do you choose not to tell them?