My mother died last week

Oh, you have carried quite a load of responsibility for a 19 year old. I am so sorry for your loss. First, yes, i believe your mom can hear you. Talk to her all you want. My mom passed in Feb, and I have regular conversations with her including "good morning mama" and "lets go to bed mama" (i carry her pix with me everywhere). Second, you have devoted so much of your life recently to being care taker, that you may feel a little lost with what to do with yourself. This is normal. Try to rest and be kind to yourself. You will find your way eventually. Third, your time spent taking care of her was not in vain. Your job wasnt to cure her, it was to make her feel loved and comfortable, which i trust you did. You demonstrated love and compassion to your mom. I know it sucks (and will suck to varying degrees for a long time), but take comfort that you were there for her and she was/is appreciative. A mother's love for her child is stronger than anything out there. Give yourself grace to feel her love surround you. I will be thinking of you.

I want to add to this and say I talk to my dad all the time (10 mo) and here and there I get signs that he can hear me when I really need them. I was numb for most of a month, don't worry you will feel. It does suck.

Also I second that you shouldn't feel like you wasted time taking care of her. It must have been incredibly hard to go through, and see the struggles of the day to day. Fuck cancer. But just know by helping her and giving her so much love you must have extended her life and made her happier. I missed one of my last moments with my dad and it is what I regret most in this life. I am so glad you didn't,it is so hard to put into words the respect I have for you, the love I know you had for your mother and the kindness of caring for someone.

But often with loss like this, there are no words that do justice. Only ones that seem close are: you stood by her through everything, and now she will stand by you in spirit through everything.

Oh you are so young, my heart goes out to you. Please never ever think that all you did for her was “for nothing” because the cancer was stronger. What you did for her was everything. Absolutely everything. You took care of her wonderfully. You looked after her when she needed it most. You were there with your love and attention. This is the most important and loving thing that you can do for another person. Be right there.

I lost my mama seven months ago. I don’t think the pain becomes any less. But you start to live with it. It becomes part of you.

Make sure you look after yourself now. See what support, both emotional and practical is available. Be kind to yourself. Take it a moment at a time. You got through the worst already. You will make! Sending you lots of love from an internet stranger. X

https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/ my Mom passed a year and a half ago, this forum helped me immensely.

Frankly, you are too young to have gone through this. You are very strong even though you may not feel it, or feel much. First thing I want to tell you is that your time was not wasted. You gave love and care to someone you love. Every moment and every tear is a testament to love and compassion. You stepped up and did what you had to do.

Go easy on yourself, you've been through a huge shock. It will take time to heal. When my Mom passed I felt like a huge part of me had been ripped out of my being. I kept thinking she was still there even tho I would remind myself she was gone. just hang on, things will get better as you heal, and you will heal. People with good intentions will tell you how to do it but listen to your heart. Everyone grieves in their own way and takes their own time.

Things to consider....she is at peace now and is no longer in any discomfort. She wouldnt want you to be hurting. Remember her, remember the love, and carry it with you always.Forget the bad, let that fade.

You need to be talking to someone. If you have a pastor or a teacher you trust, a counsellor, family member or a best friend. Talk to them.

I dont know if your Mom can hear you. But talk to her when you want to. If nothing else its good for you. I always thought that Love is the strongest force and the bond between Mother and kid is special, so I think she can hear you. maybe not as words but as love. Take good care of yourself

It wasn’t for nothing. People die and we can’t stop it. Caring doesn’t stop it. Medicine doesn’t stop it. Love doesn’t stop it. My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was your age and she fought it for 7 brutal years before it killed her. it is such a helpless experience. And the whole thing SUCKS. It sucks. My mom died in January and I still don’t believe it. I still struggle to accept it. I miss her beyond belief. But the pain gets easier to manage. It does. And you gain perspective. And the guilt and anger subsides eventually. It doesn’t get better, but it’s more manageable. I’m so sorry your mom died last week. I wish she didn’t. I wish she hadn’t got cancer. It’s not fair. Try and take care and be so gentle with yourself and know that everything you are feeling and experiencing is normal and don’t be afraid to ask for help because you deserve it. And the love from our mothers never dies. It doesn’t. People’s bodies die but love doesn’t die. My therapist told me even if there’s a 1% chance that when I talk to my mom and I can hear her in my head, if there’s even a 1% chance that it’s her? Or she can hear me? Wouldn’t it be worth it to keep talking to her and listening? So I talk to her, and when I hear her I listen. It’s not easy. But it’s what we got.

My mom died in June after battling cancer for 4.5 years. Death is something ever human goes through, just a question of how and when. I say this because in Western culture we seldom talk about death. My mom's illness was the main focus on of my life most for most of my twenties. The time I spent with Mom was still cherished time. It sucks so much to lose a parent when we're young, but I would like to think it gives us a better perspective on life and what's important (some people figure it out when it's too late or never at all). Live well, you're still very young and there is so much of life ahead of you.

what sucks is half the time it doesn't set in untill a while later