My grandmother is dying and I have no one to talk to about it

My best friend has been busy with her sister’s wedding and is just oblivious anyway. She doesn’t even know what hospice is and I don’t want to ruin her week by spelling it out as painstakingly as I can. Knowing me I’ll just be mean about it.

My online friend doesn’t even read anything I send him. He’s great when we’re in a call but I have no privacy here and no chance to be able to just vent out loud. He basically has no clue what’s happening despite the fact that I’ve been messaging him off and on trying to get him to just talk to me. Yesterday he just sent me a video and said it related to a fictional character. That was it. No response to anything I’d said, and I know him well enough to know it wasn’t an attempt on his part to cheer me up.

A newer friend I’ve made is currently losing her father and trying to take care of the whole family at a pretty young age, so between that and just the fact that we don’t know each other that well I’m not comfortable going to her.

I’m with family, but I’m the only one of my generation here. Besides, there’s little point trying to seek comfort from them, they’re just as stressed as I am and less willing to try to provide emotional support when they’re struggling the same way. We’re all trying to care for my grandmother, taking night shifts and spending every day in this facility. Except they all have friends who are older and more experienced than mine. They can all talk to other people. I’m alone.

This is the second time we’ve been through this just this year. This happened last time, too. I was the youngest there by 30 years, waiting for a family member to die. Once they’re gone it’s easier. You can plan a service, the rest of the family comes crawling out the woodwork for the fun part. The easier part.

I’m having a hard time holding it together as it is and I don’t understand why so many people just don’t get it. They just vanish instead of trying to understand.