I was sexually abused as a child. I broke up with my girlfriend to avoid telling her. This was stupid.

We were having sex problems because I was tormented by sexual abuse from my childhood. She started trying to help me figure out what the issue is. She suggested I go to counseling.

I eventually ran scared, and broke up with her so that I wouldn't have to tell her. It took a week to get situated to where I could move out of our shared apartment. On the way out the bloody door, I finally came clean. She said it was too late.

I left, and the next day I emailed her a more detailed recount of what happened.

Now that I've told the truth, I feel such a release internally. I'm still going to hit up some counseling, but just talking about it to somebody has been life changing already.

But she absolutely doesn't trust me anymore, and she says she never wants to be in a relationship with me again.

I broke up with her two times before about less serious issues, and we got back together. That was in our earlier days. Since those days, we have become way way more serious in our relationship to the point that we had been discussing marriage. But she had made it very much perfectly clear that if I broke up with her again, that it was definitely over permanently.

Not that I'm excusing my dishonesty, but sexual abuse is a very traumatic thing. She hasn't experienced it before, and I feel like if she knew how hard that was for me to share with her, that she would cut me a break.

Do I just need to give her time probably?

Is there anything I can do to help things?

We are talking regularly. But she always makes it clear that it is as just friends, that she has no interest in getting back together, and that she completely doesn't trust me.

TLDR: Broke up with my woman to avoid truth, came clean, and now I want her back.

EDIT: It was last Saturday that I left her.