Girlfriend was abused and has affection issues

Hello reddit,

I could really use some advice on how to help this situation. Let me first give some basic information on the two of us. We've been dating for about two months so far and everything has been really good. I’m 21 and she is 19; we get along great, share almost identical interests, and everything has really been perfect so far.

The problem that I've been noticing and she admitted to me out of nowhere last night was about her showing affection. When we were lying down she casually said, "I'm sorry" and we started talking and she said she was sorry about how she rarely showed affection. She told me that she used to be super affectionate before and now she rarely is. She has told me before that she was in an abusive relationship, but I never thought it impacted her this deeply. She told me that after this abusive relationship that she is not herself anymore (she was in this relationship around April 2010). She told me that when she showed affection to her abusive ex he would make her feel like shit for doing so. She told me that when she would go to hold his hand he would smack it away or when she wanted cuddle he would say that she is too hot to cuddle, basically any type of affection she ever showed was shot down and she was scolded for it.

I’m the one who almost ALWAYS initiates hand holding, hugging, kissing, cuddling, and etc. Sex has been another touchy subject, in the subject of sex I am the one who ever initiates it, ever and 95% of the time she shoots down my approach, and I feel her past is the main reason. She told me that she used to be a very sexual person before, but after that abusive relationship not so much anymore.

I was starting to feel that she was just not “into” me and I didn’t do it for her. But after she told me that it wasn’t me, but that it’s her I was happy and sad. I was happy because I now know that my affection is not unwanted, but sad because I don’t know how to help and I’m afraid she may not ever be the same fun and affectionate person that I know she could and used to be.

I know the relationship is still very, very young, but I want to help her. This is the first relationship where I have ever had such strong feelings for another person… I love her.

I told her that I would never abuse her, that I would never smack her hand away if she tried to hold it, or anything douchey like that. I WANT her to be affectionate; I feel that I am being too affectionate at times because I am compensating for her lack of affection.

I am all ears reddit, I welcome any and all advice.

Thanks for listening, I GREATLY appreciate it.

tl;dr

Girlfriend was abused in prior relationship and now my relationship is suffering because she shows almost no affection and sex drive is almost non-existent.