Mixed Signals (Male, 29, USA)

I'll admit that this isn't so much "asking for advice" as venting, with a message of advice to the ladies. But if you see something I haven't, feel free to put me on the right path.

So there's a girl, as there always is, and we've had dinner (small time) and gone to dances (group of friends and coworkers) and one day I ask her out for a bit of coffee... in the meantime, after saying yes to this, she tells me about a problem she's having with a mutual acquaintance. A sweet guy she isn't attracted to seems on the verge of asking her out. She feels like she, by being a nice, sweet girl herself, constantly puts herself in the situation where guys think they are getting signals from her... but aren't.

Which sounds like a meta-commentary on me... asking her out to coffee.

I tell her she needs to send a stronger signal, to talk about how she's more into her self and her own needs right now rather than relationships... and she agrees, saying this is how she feels.

Okay. I get it. Meta-commentary.

Then she talks about how her signals are loud and clear, generally. I tell her what I'd like to tell all women reading this: Men are used to subtlety from women, so if the signal is a "no" it needs to be a strong "no. If it's a "please proceed," please be obvious.

As it stands, I get it: this is a subtle "no."

We proceed to coffee where we have wonderful conversation that sends all the signals that girls normally use to say "please proceed."

Ladies? Please. Please. Hurt our feelings. Ask us out. Do something. But realize we don't have a life-time of experience in this subtle social hand-jive that we're trained to expect yet are never actually any good at.