Been thinking about posting for a week now... need some advice about life.

Throwaway account.

Hey Reddit. I'm kind of stuck in myself and I don't know what to do. I am a sophomore in college and I've got a few problems that I'm having some trouble overcoming. I feel afraid to grow up, because I'm worried I won't be happy with how things turn out. I always want things to be just right, and if they aren't I get bothered but I can never bring myself to fix them. I'm a procrastinator at heart.

I don't feel as sharp as I did in high school. I don't feel passionate about life, or anything really. I play video games, and I try to do okay in classes (I have a 2.9 GPA, I didn't do so hot last spring). But I don't really absorb anything from my lectures, and I have no passion for coding projects on my own. I'm so unproductive, I just waste my time doing nothing.

I don't have a job, and I've slowly squandered most of my money to pay for marijuana. I feel addicted in a way to it. I just like that it makes me feel good. And I feel so silly saying that because I always used to laugh and think that wasn't something that could happen. And even now I laugh at my own position, but stopping is something I don't want to do, and I know I can't support the habit. I know I need to, but starting to stop seems insurmountable.

In a way I guess it's also why I like to drink alcohol. They both ease my anxiety and give me confidence.

I guess I just want some advice on how to get my life back on track. I'm sick of not feeling proud of myself anymore. I don't know what my talents are anymore and I feel worthless to the world. I sometimes completely regret going to this university and wonder if my life would be better had I gone somewhere else.

I can't believe I'm even bringing myself to find help.

But I need it. Help Reddit?