I’m going to my doctor to get him to fill out the forms for me to get medical leave from work for mental health reasons and I can’t help but feel awful about it.

I keep asking myself if I really do need this or if I’m just being a lazy turd. Yes being at my job causes a great deal of anxiety, depression and panic attacks but I feel like this is just the lazy way out and I should be able to tough it out and get through it. I feel like I’m just one of those people who are poor because they are lazy just don’t work hard enough and that I should focus all my energies on working as much as I can in order to provide for my family. If I really wanted to be financially stable I would just work a minimum of 12 hour days no matter how shit the job is. Sure I wouldn’t see my kid grow up but we wouldn’t be as poor.

I fell like I’m rambling here. Basically I feel like I’m failing as a provider and as a functioning adult because I need to go on leave basically because I’m too sad to work and am a pussy.