Been stuck on a pilgrammage for 30+ Years. How do I escape this hell?

Playing as a Lombard Empress of Italia - trying to get the Iron Crown achievement. I own most of continental Europe, no council power, huge demense, almost max levies from vassals and thought I was sitting pretty, but... About 30 years ago, my Empress went on a 'pilgramage' to visit the coronation of one of her vassals AND NEVER CAME BACK. She has just come into power herself, so was still uncrowned (there was a little issue of the pope wanting to become independent before he would do it).

I have tried EVERYTHING to kill myself, including making someone who hated me my Physician, but she routinely gives me amazing treatments for everything anyway, and has thusfar cured me of Slow Fever and fricking cancer. Every single one of my vassals hates me due to having been uncrowned for years, so I'm facing massive rebellions all the time. Ive had to led to Pope go independent anyway, AND they made me institue Council Power, so now my demense is too large.

What do I do?