Day 14 CT after one year 30-40 gpd

This is my second quit. The first one was in September 2018 after 3 months 20gpd use. This time i used approximately 30-40 gpd for about a year.

I am 24 year old man who has a long history of substance abuse.
I smoked weed daily since 2012 and a pack of cigarettes a day since 2010... Over the years I also did every other drug except the big 3 (Heroin, Meth, Crack) but never got addicted to any of them. That was until i discovered codeine and tramadol at the beginning of last year. I was severly depressed at that time and I don't know why, but I instantly loved the opiod feeling. It killed my depression and I felt on top of the world. Atleast for a few hours... but i didn't have a connection for that stuff so I searched for alternatives.. and found kratom.

I used daily for 3 months and then quit cold turkey because I started to isolate myself and almost failed college. After I quit I became more depressed than I ever was and relapsed in December 2018 (I also used a lot of cocaine and mdma in that time peroid). And I relapsed hard.. I used double the amount i used before and I did it for almost a whole year. That was a real bad time for me. I isolated myself and this time I really failed college.. I basically lived like a junky and also felt and looked like one.

4 weeks ago I finally woke up. I had a girl over at my place and we had sex, but i couldn't really get hard. (I knew this was the kratom affecting my testosterone) and I also had to sneak in the kitchen in the middle of the night to dose 10g to avoid withdrawals.. That was it. I said to myself: enough is enough and decided to get clean asap.

So here I am today. A few months without from cocaine/mdma, 14 days clean from kratom, 7 days without a cigarette and 4 days without weed. I also started working out daily a month ago and still do it.

Physically I feel great, even better than I have in years. But mentally I'm a wreck... I just feel so empty and I'm afraid I will relapse on everything soon or get suicidal thoughts.

I don't really have any questions, I just wanted to share my story.

TLDR: Don't do drugs (especially opiods)