It’ll never get better.

I’ve been depressed for too long that I’m honestly scared of getting better at this point. I don’t want to stay depressed but I don’t want to get better either. I just want to die. Of course everytime I tell anybody this they usually react with, “wow you don’t even want to get better you attention seeker have fun with your pity party GeT hElP,” even though I’ve been “getting help” for years now. I get more depressed when I’m depressed obviously. And if I don’t feel as shitty then I’ll feel a bit better. But feeling better freaks me out then I get more depressed and I feel better and worse that I am depressed. Then the cycle repeats forever.

I’m honestly starting to believe that I am an attention seeking trash bag even though I’ve been diagnosed by multiple psychiatrists for years. I’m too scared to kill my self. I guess I’m just going to suffer here meaninglessly for the next 50-70 years or so.

Thank you for reading my dumb post. It’s 6am so I should probably sleep. Have a nice day or night!