Starting a kingdom without ever being a vassal...

I've gathered an elite force and established enterprises in every city. I feel militarily ready for conquest, but want to make sure I do it right.

I intend to go straight for an enemy town (probably Khergits because they're weak and bad at sieges). How do I get into a conflict with them without losing significant honor?

Also, I don't even have a banner. Will I get a banner and a kingdom all at once? How about a wife? Will I be able to court and marry once I'm an independent king? The only other time I've been married, I was a Swadian lord while I courted the lucky lady.

Also, I've been so busy running around winning tourneys and gathering my warband that I haven't cultivated much in terms of relations with other lords. How important is this?

Finally, I restarted my only previous independent kingdom run because all of my vassals were ingrates and jerks. How do I determine the quality of a lord when he arrives in my kingdom asking to serve me? I'd rather not bring a bunch of dbags on board like I did last time. It seems only dbags are inclined to arrive at my court when I initially go independent.