I don't know what to do

I am scared to try and kill myself, i am 15 almost 16 and i want to kill myself. i know i want to. i went to a psychiatric hospital during the summer and it was the most traumatic event of my life. I dont ever want to go back. I got on some medication that works, but my life is just on a constant downhill spiral. this whole year (starting at the beginning) my dad was arrested, my cat died on my birthday, we lost internet, i lost all connections with the outside world for a little bit because i was grounded for no good reason, had to move to a tiny apartment, lost my dog because of it, sprained my ankle and couldnt do an entire season of marching band, am barely keeping my grades up, my girlfriend just left me and said it was my fault cuz im no fun to be around anymore because of how depressed ive gotten trying to deal with my abusive family. she also left me for another guy. and yea thats the main highlights of this year. theres been nothing good happening and im ready to kill myself i just dont want to fail and be thrown into psychiatric care again. that would be torture. but i also cant stay here because its gotten to the point that it physically hurts me to be as sad as i am.