Disaster. I am beyond worried. Losing hope.

I wrote another entry a few days ago about how exhausting it has been trying to find a therapist. Today, I had an 8 am appointment with a new therapist, who had listed in her bio that she had worked with people with EDs. At 8:01 am, we started. She asked if I had any questions. I asked what her experience was with EDs. It went downhill IMMEDIATELY. She started saying she had worked with people with EDs, but that "for people like us", we never recover. I literally just sat there trying not to cry. She then started telling me how I could go about looking for another therapist. The stupid thing is, even as she was going on like this, even though she explicitly said recovery was not a possibility, I was still begging her in my head "Please let's just try for a few sessions please please please don't pass me off to someone else." Six minutes in, she ended our session and wished me the best of luck.

I just don't care anymore. I've had an ED for 19 years. Trying to recover on my own has been so fucking hard. But what other choice do I have now?!