I hate pretending

Just feel the need to rant. I’m 19F and unfortunately, I still live with my parents for now. Until I get my finances in order and find my own place, I’m kinda stuck living here. In order to stay with them, they have to believe I’m still a Christian. So, every Sunday and Wednesday I’m at church.

I just hate pretending. I know it’s just for my own safety but I really hate it. I’m a part of church functions like the choir. I even help on the church security team. It’s blow out of proportion. I would love nothing more than to be honest with my family and to stop attending church. I feel like every week, it drives me crazier. But until I move out, I can’t.