i don’t know how to feel

I have a close friend. We both do dumb shits together. She makes me comfortable with her jokes and laughter, while i make her laugh at my sillyness and witty comments. I knew her for a long while now, so it’s natural that i developed some affections towards her. I enjoyed her company as a friend and so did she. After i heard about her crushing incident, I think: “Hey, maybe you can do something to cheer her up”. We talked about how the other person was a douche for trying to hit her up, when he was doing it to many other girls. We kept on talking on the same topic, until she joked about us being in a relationship. I was so happy, i didn’t know how to react, it was on my birthday as well. I took it like a child, nurturing that happiness. Then she hits me with the “There’s this guy I’ve been talking to, I kinda like him”. Of course, I straight up thought that it COULD be me. On second thoughts, I held that to myself. She told me the name, and without a doubt, it wasn’t me.

I just wanted this post to be here, where I feel that I can share my actual thoughts. This kept me awake the last night but I still have school and all, and more importantly, I still have to meet her. We still got 1 year to go until we’re out of school and I have to control my feelings until then. Thank you for reading this, actually.