I have no one left

I’m lesbian, my partner and best friend, and I split apart today. We were together for just over 4 years. We had been on and off back and forth for years but the breaking point finally came and I’m not even sure what it was.

I feel broken, I feel alone, hopeless and worthless. They were my last real friend and now I have no one. Not family, no friends, just strangers. I’ve spent the past 2 hours just crying my eyes out and I’m exhausted. I want to hug someone and just cry without saying a word.

I tried to eat but I don’t have the motivation. I’m starving and dehydrated but I don’t want to eat or drink. I just want to die. With her leaving, this now marks a 100% turnover rate for every friend, I have ever made. All of them have left me for various reasons, some legitimate, some selfish. I have no one left. I feel like if I killed myself no one would even notice. No one cares about me anymore and honestly I’m not even sure I’m still able to be saved regardless. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of making friends to lose them. The longest friend I ever had was only 6 years. I’ll be 21 in a few days. I feel like I’m a ghost, no one notices me and no one cares about me. I’m screaming for help and no one hears me. I’ve screamed for so long and for so loud that my lungs have given out and I’m tried of screaming. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I just want this hell to be over. I want to just fade out of existence as quickly as I came and never feel anything again. I don’t want to be conscious any more. I don’t want to exist. I don’t want to feel anything. Good, bad, or emptiness. I simple want to stop existing, I’ve already stopped living.