A message for those who are dreading Christmas and are so sick of parents asking when you're going to marry/have kids, my brand new cancer diagnosis gave me sudden clarity.

I have tried to not be that kind of mom! My kids are in their 20s, and I have shuddup about the marriage/babies thing because I remember how much I hated it when I was their age. I always found it ... disturbing when those marriage thoughts would bubble up - and I would quash them.

On Friday I was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly all those thoughts about marriage and babies flooded my head again. I found it so odd that I did a deep dive into my thought process. I don't know about *your* parents, but what was going on in my subconscious was wanting to tell my kids something like, "I'm not going to be around forever and I want you to be taken care of when I'm gone. I want someone who's going to be there for you in the darkest times. I want you to be held up by a support system so you're never lost." But death thoughts are painful and raw to think (and say). So often parents translate that to "Grandbabies and in-laws please!"