Venting out, asking for help

I’ve been dealing with clinical depression for the last 3 years. Left college this year since my family has been economically struggling for a very long time, I couldn’t focus when I went to class and it was a nightmare to think about the money they were gonna spend, I felt like a waste. (Where I live college isn’t that expensive but anyway a thousand euros is too much money to waste). I haven’t been able to focus on studies for years, hardly made it up in high school. Fell in love deeply with my best friend’s girlfriend, who also was a really intimate friend of mine, who helped me in hard times. This year, 2019, has been the worst year in my life (so far). Some of my intimate friends left me, (one of them the girl I mentioned before), because it’s really hard to handle my situation. Other friend left me after I committed a suicide attempt and asked her for help, she couldn’t bear it. I’m self conscious about how hard it is to help me when I’m having a bad time, and I understand their decision, but it hurts, we were really really close. I’ve spent months and months without leaving the bed. I decided to leave my meds last month, since they were not helping, was on 60mgs of fluoxetine and a couple of other pills for helping me sleep or deal with anxiety. I don’t feel worse, in fact, I have less intrusive thoughts. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m gonna make it, even though I know that things are not permanent and all that, I think I’ve lost hope.