Give it to me straight

Alright. I have lurked since May 2019 when I (41F) first started reading considering divorce from my husband (45M). We have been together since 2000, married since 2003. So many issues, red flags, BLACK flags (multiple instances of infidelity on his part). I was too insecure, too scared, too chickenshit to leave him before. We've been in marriage counseling for three months. I have been in individual counseling for 1.5 years. I suffer from depression and anxiety.

He's been pretty protective of his iPhone. He left it for about 30 minutes and stupid me decided to snoop. I saw old messages from early Oct to a woman I didn't know. Saying "I'm working in your town. We should meet. Call me when you're out of work ". Okay I have no idea what that's about. He never mentioned anything. I didn't confront him. Maybe it was nothing.

Two days later I borrowed his AirPods. When I tried to connect via Bluetooth, the name of them was "Big Dick Daddy's AirPods ". TF? I thought it was a joke. I called him and said "nice name for your AirPods!" He had no idea wtf I was talking about. I sent him a screenshot and he had the nerve to accuse me of changing the name. I got upset all day about it. He kept denying. Saying he has no idea who did it but vaguely accusing me of doing it. I checked his phone again when he was sleeping. This man keeps messages for years or whenever the phone deletes them. The only message that was now gone was the one to that woman two months ago. So I'm really suspicious now.

I go through his FB messages and sure enough, there's more messages to this woman. She lived an hour away from the location he was working (out of town to me). He is the one who said TWICE "let's meet up". He gave her his hotel information and phone number. They even planned for the following week too since he knew he would be back. I screenshot those and texted them to myself.

I login to verizon and saw five phone calls between the two when he was working out of town. One night it was four hours long. Until around 3a.

So now its xmas. We have family in town. More family coming in. Until the new year. I want a divorce. I am so hurt. But a part of me wonders if there's anyway i can be wrong. So many people will be affected. We have kids (youngest is 11) and I feel so guilty. I keep looking at the messages to renew my anger bc I'm feeling so many mixed feelings.

I want your gut instinct replies. Give it to me. I can handle it. Also, I will likely delete after a while bc he probably lurks all over Reddit and he will instantly know this is me.