I wish I don’t feel that empty or that I’m not so mentally confused and sick and mislead

It makes understanding and knowing reality so hard and I have no guidance and I hate that I always need it anyway. I just hate everything I am and I wish there was a setup button somewhere so I can be like normal people but I that’s not real and I don’t know where to start or who should I go to or what to ask for to be normal I just am so tired so much and I don’t wanna go back to the stage where I am just dragging my feet through an endless road to god knows what it’s just all confusing and hard and lonely I try to have little faith but it is all killing me because everything is questionable and uncertain. I don’t wanna lose myself but do I really have it?