Spouse help Part 2

So I got some great advice from this original post see here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ABDL/comments/edylvx/spouse_help

And that has led me to ask more specific questions regarding recent chats between my husband and other ABDL guys.I direct these questions more to married/long term relationship people.

So me being very traditional vanilla (and Christian) have some issues with a few chats and liked photos of my husband. I'll just go ahead and say I deviously found these issues by looking in his phone (it's not locked and we know each other's passwords) and creating a fake fetlife account so I could see his activity. He had completely shut me out (again) so I had to. If you find this repulsive I really dont care and please spare me from a lecture about privacy. For our marriage sake it was something I felt I had to do because I love him.

So these are the specific issues I have found:

1. A video of him putting his hand in his diaper, adjusting himself, rubbing his diaper, and then peeing in it and sent to another male.

2. A picture or his penis out of the diaper to another male.

3. A small amount of "loved" pictures on fetlife of naked males posing with diapers off as if they were about to put them on. Like I guess getting ready for a diaper change?

4. A photo sent to him from another male with a vibrator on top of his diaper. I guess he was about to masturbate?

5. This last one is I think pretty typical and probably accepted overall but I still don't understand why it is acceptable and I hate it. The diaper crouch shots to other males. Most of these are like .."hey this is what I am wearing today" but others are VERY SEXY shots in bed (most on fetlife) with the shirt pulled up.

My questions to all of these cases are: Is this normal between abdl friends? Is it acceptable if you are married? Would this make you uncomfortable as a spouse (if you were not abdl)?

Help me understand these exchanges because all he is giving me is "I can't explain it other than it's not sexual".