Addiction almost cost me everything. Again...

Hi, all. A little bit of context first...I have been using meth for 23ish years off and on. More on than off. I have successfully completed drug court(terrible program,) gone to jail 15+ times,and let it cost me everything I care about or need more than once... About 4 months ago I met the man who I fell in love with for the first time. He is hands down, no question the first man I have ever loved. He is everything I could want. Our values, beliefs,and a whole lot of other things match up. We can make each other laugh,and piss each other off,and have incredible chemistry in the bedroom. We are also both drug addicts.

About 6 weeks after we met we started using meth together. It was fun and felt okay for a while. I thought we were going to be able to maintain our bond and relationship while we used. Of course you all know that is not ever the case. It lead us to fight,and argue with each other. We lost some of my favorite things about us.

Tonight, after another disagreement over something miniscule he woke up from a nap and the first thing he said was "I can't live this way with you." Which I totally agreed with. I thought he was going to break up with me. My heart sank,and I was totally sad instantly. The past week he seemed different to me. I knew that I was going to quit using. Due how I could tell he felt. I told him that I was quitting. Which of course he will too. That's a given. We talked about solutions to fix the issues that meth helped create. We are ultimately going to be good. I really mean it when I say I am quitting. I am now just afraid that because we have been getting high together,we have done irreparable harm to our relationship. The thought of not having him makes me ill. I know that the proof of my commitment to not only him and our relationship,but myself as well will prove that I am serious.

I just needed to vent and get a start to my accountability. Thanks for listening...🤘🏻