Time to bring up the Assumptions
Alright, so there are a number of people here for the purpose of giving advice or helping. That's cool, glad that you have a desire to try. The issue, which grows and wanes in prevalence depending on the day here, is constant assumptions about what an Incel actually is. Sometimes it's a virgin guy, sometimes it's a school shooter, sometimes it's a neckbeard, but there's always a predisposed idea of what one is in the minds of people here. The issue of course is that, you're not liable to be very empathetic or wanting to help people you assume support murder or revoking women's rights or whatever else you saw on a scary screencap from IT. There is a huge lack of understanding on this issue from non-Incels, and this is one of the main parts of it.
Incels do not want to hear you say you think they're misogynists, they don't want to hear how they're bad people, the only reason any of them are here is the slight hope that someone cares just enough to say something nice once in a while. They have heard everything you will accuse them of, whether or not they are that thing is irrelevant to what you think, because most of you already have the boxes you'll lump them in. I'm sorry if you got a nasty DM from somebody, but if you're really unable to empathize or have any opinions about Incels other than disgust, then you should probably leave.
Posted Dec 29, 2019, 5:44 AM UTC
It’s definitely true that not all incels on here are like that and that it’s counterproductive to judge someone who looks for help. On the other hand, some women who try to help get mean comments or DMs on the base that they are female, which perpetuates these negative stereotypes. I think it would be helpful if the community would distance themselves more from these kinds of commenters.
That's counterproductive, you have to help those as well. There is a reason they got to that point.
Ah yes. So, as usual, women are expected to just take whatever abuse is dished out, because men’s feelings are more important than women’s safety. Good to know that having standards of basic decency of behavior is “counterproductive.”
No one is mandating anyone post here. Women aren't expected to do anything, it's presumed the non-Incels posting here intend to have some amount of discussion. If there's abuse happening, report it or leave the sub if you can't handle it.
And there it goes again. Ooo, can the delicate flowers not “handle” abuse? Guess you’ll just have to leave! The onus should be on people behaving badly to...not behave badly, not on the recipients to suck it up and like it, or leave. But again, as I pointed out, that is very much what women are expected to do. Because the feelings of men are still perceived by many as far more important than the safety of women.
At a place dedicated to helping men leave a toxic mindset, perhaps the expectation should be on a baseline of decent behavior, not forcing people out because they can’t “handle” abuse.
That’s true. I meant to say that they should reject these behaviours (not the people) and make it possible for women to be part of this community as well. Otherwise you’ll just get another echo chamber in here.