Let’s talk about falling in love with a person you recently met. I think, contrary to mainstream ideas, that, falling in love is a sign of ego and neediness. You start to loose the every day pleasure thinking about somebody.
What’s your opinion on the subject?
Posted Jan 28, 2020, 8:53 AM UTC
I think real love is redrawing the boundaries of your self to include the other person. So their happiness is as important as your happiness, their pain is as important as your pain. Quite different from infatuation or obsession which yes can be a distraction.
I think it’s everything, for me it’s the point of living to give and receive love. Imho
I don't think he's talking about love, but rather the emotional state of falling/being in love with someone.
Yes, I talk about falling in love with a girl you met 3 or 4 times. It’s not real love but an emotion of neediness maybe?
Many emotions are in some way desires. But falling in love is romantic love, it uses the same nerutransmitters and receptors. The only differance being the obsession that comes with it, but it will pass given enough time.
This actually happened to me not to long ago! It seems to have to do more with biology and our nature as social mammals than any emotional needs or reasons. It just hit me hard and I was unable to stop thinking about her, always wanted to talk about her and of course wanted to be near her all the time for the rest of our lifes. But it was clearly love, I even cared more for her than myself which hasn't happened to me before.
I also have had similar experiences with friends, you just look at each other and get a connection. I think it's your brain processing data we never get to know of sensing a person who's a good fit for you, giving a emotional reaction to motivate you to certain behaviors.
But some people are needy, afraid of loneliness and so on. They might fall in love more easily to not having to work with themselves, but i'm not sure if they really fall in love or if they're quick to find new relationships, not being too picky because of their need for someone.
In my opinion, real true love shouldn’t change you and you shouldn’t change for it. Not in a sense that, you shouldn’t change. Everything constantly changes and it’s impossible for anything to ever remain the same. But more in a sense that true love is unconditional, and the ways in which you change shouldn’t be geared toward preserving it.
The way in which you change should always be in a way that’s best for you. And the way in which your partner changes should always be in a way that’s best for them. You intertwine with another person you love in which, what’s best for them is also now what is best for you, and what’s best for you is also what is best for them. Neither of you should ever feel inhibited by your love. In fact it should be quite the opposite. True love should feel empowering.
For a lot of people you're exactly right. The need to love or to be loved is just an expression of a craving/scared ego.
One quote I heard from somewhere is something like, "You truly know you love someone else if you can be comfortable being alone with yourself first."