Struggling to love my family

When I was in the biggest pit of depression I was struggling to keep up with everyone, especially my family who I have a ton of bad memories with. The worst thing was trying to explain to my grandma, and her telling me I was making her depressed by being depressed. I really wanna care and be there more often because shes getting old, but she used to hit me a lot growing up and recently slapped my 13 year old sister around the face because she was acting like a moody teen. I wish I could build the strength to do what's expected of me and take care of my grandma but when she hits people, and is overly strict, and I think of the times she used to hit me for mistakes, I just cant like her.

She used to say this thing to me when I was misbehaving. "I love you, but right now I dont like you"

Well, I dont like you either.