My gynecologist reported my mom and me for defamation
This is such a slippery slope of a story. TLDR at the bottom.
I am an adult and I live in Turkey. I had an appointment at the gynecologist yesterday. Where I live gynecologists are obligated to ask whether the patient can be examined vaginally (I’m not familiar with the technical terms, but this has to do with the hymen being intact). This gynecologist I visited in the past, I think, just forgot to ask the question and started the examination this time. He asked the nurse (who is obligated to be there as a witness) for a speculum, which did not register at the time for me. He put a gel-like substance on my vulva, and I felt something push inside me, which hurt. The doctor then asked, “You can be examined this way, right?” To which I answered “No”. He and the nurse were instantly alarmed and the doctor scolded me for “not telling him earlier and almost got him into trouble”. I was honestly shocked and scared. Then he wiped my vulva off, said “There’s no bleeding”. I got off the examination table, sat on a chair and then I fainted. I don’t remember how.
When I woke up again I was on the floor of his practice. What happened after is very blurry to me, I was still dizzy, buzzing in my ears etc. Eventually I was taken out of the practice in a wheelchair into a different room and was put on an IV drip. After a while I regained consciousness, and called my mom.
She hurried to the hospital, and when she heard the story she got worried and honestly angry. She demanded the doctor would be brought to where we were and she demanded an explanation. She was shouting at this point, which I do not condone but I wasn’t able to do anything about it. The doctor came to where we were with two women, who, I learned later, were doctors in the same hospital.
So the three doctors, a security guard, a couple other medical professionals, and my mom started arguing just outside the room I was in. Everyone was shouting and sounded hostile to the other party, including my mom. My mom asked, shouting “Why is my kid in this state?”. The doctor also shouted back, “She’s probably hungry or dehydrated or something”. He did not tell her anything about the examination. She called the police. At a certain point some of these people came into the room I was in and I had to explain what happened to them, they said things to “soothe” me perhaps, like “Anyone could pass out in my practice, it wouldn’t necessarily be my fault.” Even though I was almost in a sedated state. Then everyone disappeared and I was left alone once again. I was still quite exhausted.
Then someone took me up to another room, where everyone I mentioned earlier were still arguing. My mom called the police again to ask why they haven’t showed up yet. They asked me to tell what happened, but they did not listen to me at all. The doctor and the nurse accused me of lying and defamation, but I had yet to even accuse anyone of anything. They stormed out and called the police, which shows up at the police station as some sort of a “violence against medical workers” thing.
Two male police officers did then show up and listened to me. We were then taken to the hospital, I was told I was to be examined to see “whether my hymen was still intact”. We waited for hours, nothing happened. Then I was taken to the police station. We waited there, nothing happened. Then I was taken back to the hospital where about 7 doctors examined me. They concluded my hymen was still intact. Then we went back to the police station where we gave our statements. It was past midnight at this point. I could not report him, because “my hymen was still intact”. Then I found out he reported me because I “insulted him and his profession”. I, however, did not have any hostile interaction with anyone that day. (I know this might sound like a lie to make myself look innocent but I really was calm and civilized in all of my interactions, despite all that had happened. I believe this could be proven by security footage or witness statements.) The police officer who typed out my statement suggested I apologize to the doctor so he dropped the report. We got back home after 3:30 am.
TLDR - My gynecologist did something he was supposed not to, I freaked out and lost consciousness. When my mom came to the hospital and learnt what happened the doctor and she had a shouting match. The police was called, I had to endure a “virginity test”. The doctor reported my mom and falsely reported me for defamation.
My question now is: what would you suggest I do now? I am honestly at a loss for words. I don’t think the doctor or the nurse had bad intentions, they just weren’t as careful as they were obligated to. Then when they realized they fucked up they overreacted and blamed me. Unfortunately I can’t prove what went down in the practice because I wasn’t physically harmed, and the nurse says everything went as it should have. I’m just shocked and sad and angry. I was taken back and forth between the hospital and the police station for about 10 hours, had to explain to numerous people very intimate things about my body, had to sit half naked in a room with a bunch of doctors examining my vagina. I don’t mean to be dramatic but some of the things I had to go through yesterday seemed not to matter to anyone. On top of that I am now accused of something I did not do.
Posted Feb 29, 2020, 2:46 PM UTC · edited
First off, you are an adult, and you should know for the future that you had the right to refuse any examination and all shufflings from place to place. If you had no intention to press charges against the doctor, you should have said that to the police and dismissed them. You are an adult, your mother cannot press charges in your place, and you are never required to subject yourself to that.
Is the doctor bringing legal charges against you or did he just make accusations?
I don’t know if you’re in the US or not, but anyone checking for an intact hymen is full of bologna. They can become damaged from literally anything, not necessarily penetration.
That being said, my main concern for you at the moment would be why you passed out. It’s not normal to pass out during a gyn exam. You should be going to a non gynecological doctor to figure out what’s wrong. Blood sugar test and tilt table test would be where to start.
I’d also change your emergency contact to anyone but your mother, because it sounds like she might be a bit unhinged and if an actual emergency like this arises again, she’s probably going to make it worse again. Speculums are standard in gyn appointments, it sounds like the doc made an honest mistake, it sounds like you understood that well enough, and it sounds like your mother exacerbated the situation and caused drama instead of trying to actually figure out why you fainted. Your mother should have been asking for medical tests, not accusing the doctor and putting him on the defense. Honestly the doctor was probably terrified he’d be fired and his 10+ years of medical training/education/debt would be down the drain. I’m not saying that excuses him accusing you of defamation or lying, but I am saying that your mother probably contributed to that knee jerk reaction.
Thank you for your reply. I do not live in the US. So the law would greatly differ. I should say, he doesn’t explicitly mention any of my actions after I left his practice, but he did file a report against me as well. So perhaps I should figure out how that works.
My mom definitely was in the wrong. I’m aware that it was not the way to handle the situation at all, and her reaction was partially what escalated the situation. However that does not excuse the fact that he reported me, and that he lied in his statement.
And about the “virginity test”, it is, unfortunately, considered a legit piece of evidence. And a patient can press charges on the grounds that the doctor physically injured them aka “broke their hymen”. Even though I did not want to press charges I was told by the police that it’s good to have a report on this. This might be ignorance on my part but I just went along with it. So I did consent to the test.
I do think it was a matter of miscommunication between the doctor and me, but I don’t think scolding me in an attempt to shift the blame was the right way to handle it. Even if he wasn’t legally obligated to, I would like it if he asked before shoving something inside me. What set me off was the unexpected poke and the reaction I got. I seriously did think I did something wrong. But I don’t, and did not at any point think his mistake warranted legal action be taken.
Honestly, if you’re in a country where hymen tests are considered legal evidence, I recommend doing your best to extricate yourself from the situation. Mostly because it is a case of he said she said. There is no evidence. I’m sure you can imagine the implication/accusation that’s going to come back on you from the doctor with that hymen test; it may be considered evidence, but it’s not really in your favor.
I would contact either the police you dealt with before or a legal professional in your own country to figure out if the report has any consequences or if any action needs to be taken, make clear that you do not want, and never wanted to press charges. Ideally, it can be either ignored completely, or your legal counsel can talk to the doctor’s legal counsel and everyone can agree to let it go.
It’s understandable to feel a bit violated and offended; I’m a woman, I get it. Unexpected speculums are unpleasant, people lying to cover their mistakes is not cool, but is it worth risking both your and that doctor’s reputations? Probably not. Ten years from now you’re going to be real familiar with speculums and you’re probably not going to give them a second thought. And I would think that most people, at some point or other, have lied to cover a mistake, especially when it was an honest mistake that could ruin their life.
I agree that you did nothing wrong, but you might have to clean up your mother’s mess a bit here. And you will likely need legal counsel in your own country to do that.