Source
r/declutter•
EngrProf42

Decluttering Remorse

How do you handle decluttering remorse? In the last month, I have needed two things that I got rid of. They aren't that hard to replace, but it's making me a little Leary of my judgement.

To put it in perspective, I downsized from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment which is not cluttered. I'm down to 4 boxes I need to go through. I think I probably got rid of a literal ton of stuff. So, the fact that I got rid of two kitchen things I should have kept is actually a pretty good score.

That's what I keep telling myself, but I am starting to feel that I don't know what to keep and what to toss.

Have you had this issue and how did you deal with it?

Posted Feb 29, 2020, 7:23 PM UTC

4228
GlossyGrime•

Don’t beat yourself up - I think this speaks volumes to your ability to almost perfectly assess what you truly needed and didn’t.

But this process isn’t about perfection. And it’s ongoing! The upside of this is now you know exactly what you need, so you won’t feel like repurchasing these two core kitchen items is bringing clutter into your life.

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EngrProf42OP•

Thanks! It's good to hear from someone else!

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alittleburdietoldme•

A good rule of thumb for me (especially if it's an item you rarely use, but is "nice to have,") is if it can be replaced in 20 minutes or less for $20 or less, it can go. Now that can move up or down in price/time depending on your budget and amount of things you already have/need to declutter. It has also helped to make a list or pile of must-haves so if you end up decluttering something outside of that pile/list then you know it really wasn't as important because if it was, it would have made it into the must-have pile.

I had one decluttering regret, a random item of clothing, that I felt kinda a little sad about for a few minutes and then I found another option that I like better anyways. To be honest, I couldn't even tell you what that item was now.

Decluttering regret is a possibility, but in my experience it's pretty rare, especially if you are being mindful during the process.

I just want to congratulate you on the incredible progress you have already made and to encourage you that the regret is short term and that you are capable of accomplishing great things!

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EngrProf42OP•

Thanks. That's a good rule.

Also, the reason I needed them was good. I didn't think I would be having friends over much and I have been.

I'm trying to give up putting myself down for Lent, so thanks for the help.

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TootsNYC•

You didn’t make a wrong decision.

You made the best decision you could with the information you had available to you at the time.

And then life changed.

(How much of the increase in your having people over was because you’ve decluttered your home?)

It’s sort of like losing or gaining weight. You can’t predict perfectly.

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alittleburdietoldme•

That's very understandable! I'm sorry that you ran into an issue during decluttering.

I think you should be very proud of yourself. 💗

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sky_dinosaur•

That rule is senseless. Very few people can replace something in 20 minutes. Unless you're talking about the bodega or market up the block you can walk to, they have what you want, and there are no lines. I live within rock throwing distance of almost everything and it still takes longer than 20 minutes to walk there, buy something (if the place even has it), and walk home.

But you're right that most people hang onto the shit that is cheap and easy to replace. (Not 20 minutes, but easy to find.) Cords and cables come to mind. One of the ugliest items in the home, but people insist on owning 93 of them. Childhood junk is another one. Chargers are some of the easiest items to replace, but it still takes longer than 20 minutes.

A better solution might be to just ask yourself how long you would be able to go if you gave something up or it stopped working. Stop thinking in terms of minutes and think in terms of days or weeks. A first aid kit is really the only thing that comes to mind that I would need within 20 minutes and even then I may not have what I need, and even the EMTs take longer than 20 minutes to arrive.

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alittleburdietoldme•

It's definitely not a hard and fast rule by any means nor is it meant to be taken to the literal extreme. I don't hold myself or anyone to that. 🙌🏻

It's more of a reference/guideline than actual rule and can provide a more aggressive baseline/reference to help people determine what they will actually use and how often (as you mentioned.) Yes, it's a helpful reference to the "ease" at which it could be replaced and that will differ for everyone based on their income and the availability of that product, which I felt I inferred in my original comment.

Many people are struggling to get out of the rut of "maybe someday" (I used to be that person!) so a more aggressive question from the get-go can serve to cause them to take a hard and honest look at their possessions, which it did for me. For example, I think of my parents who hold onto 20+ picture frames that you can get for $.99 or less because "just in case." This is the type of possession that this guideline (or similar variation) can help with informing their decision. I am not talking about family heirlooms or things like that.

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Kalsifur•

I don't know why you were downvoted for this, I found this quite helpful. It's especially hard when you do a lot of projects that require weird things.

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alittleburdietoldme•

I am not sure either, but it's okay. 😊 Not every method or suggestion is going to work for everyone.

Thanks for the upvote, I appreciate it! I'm glad that it was helpful for you! 🙌🏻

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TheMummysCurse•

I think the 20 minutes isn't meant to refer to how long it would take for you to have that item in your hand, but how long you actually have to spend on doing stuff to get it replaced. To take your example of chargers... yes, if you need a charger it's going to take you till at least the next day to get one unless you live within a couple of hundred yards of the appropriate shop, but the actual process of looking for one online, ordering it, and finding your credit card to fill in the number (if you don't have it saved on an appropriate site already) is something that can be done within 20 minutes. So, you haven't taken huge amounts of time out of your day.

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ivyivory•

I once nearly donated a backpack that still had something of great personal value in it. It was jarring to realize how close I had come to losing this valuable thing - until I remembered that it had been missing for months already. Was I happy to recover it? Absolutely. Had I been okay thinking it was gone? A little sad, but not crushed. It wasn't the end of the world.

Similarly, I thought for a while that I had donated a few items that I missed (I was living elsewhere at the time so couldn't confirm). It hurt to think about them being gone, but I was able to reconcile myself with the idea of making that mistake. I considered all the progress I'd made at the expense of only a few regrets. Missing my wonderful items, though it still upset me to some degree, seemed like a more than fair price to pay for the stress reduction in my life that came with decluttering. Fortunately, I returned to find the items still in my childhood bedroom, but the exercise of overcoming regret was helpful to me in trusting myself.

All that to say, put it in perspective, forgive yourself for the mistake, forgive yourself now for your inevitable future mistakes, and move forward having learned from the experience.

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EngrProf42OP•

Thank you! That's good advice.

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Mollyscribbles•

Since you're down to 4 boxes, I'd say that slowing your pace might help set your mind at ease. I know that decision fatigue can kick in after a while, and other times you're on a roll and clearing out things with little thought. Take it a few items at a time, focus on the item at hand, and give it serious thought before clearing it out.

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EngrProf42OP•

Yes, at this point it's basically stopped till spring break. Or maybe summer if my class prep takes too long.

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Mollyscribbles•

Also, if your last boxes are anything like mine, they'll probably be a lot of things you couldn't decide either way on at the moment when going through other boxes, so you shoved 'em in another box to sort later . . . those are the boxes that take longest to get through, so taking your time is your best bet.

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EngrProf42OP•

Fair! It's a combination of that and old files I have to go through to find the immunization records, etc., that I still need.

I almost threw out a box yesterday, then I realized it was the data I had collected for a study we are doing and planning to write up this summer, so taking time to be careful is definitely good advice.

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nobaraotome•

I think it was in the Konmari subreddit, but someone said that they realized that, even if you have remorse, it doesn’t actually need to take up much energy and time. It’s fine to feel it, but you can move on with other things in your life and it will become less important. I’ve lost and decluttered things I regret but the actual amount of time spent regretting is so much less than the time I can spend free of stress from having too much stuff, so I’ve gained more than I lost, as other posters have mentioned. I don’t think anyone goes through life without having that type of regret, but it pales in comparison to the good decluttering can do.

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dagor_annon•

I like to think about how much more I'd have to spend on housing or storage every month if I hadn't de-cluttered. Also, the difference in quality of living.

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WhoAmIThisDay•

A certain amount of regret, remorse, and second-guessing is unavoidable.

The key is to take a minute, reflect on the what and why, learn from it, and move on.

You will never be able to predict anything with 100% accuracy. The trick is to learn how to roll with the situation and do the best you can. That includes realizing it wasn't a mistake because, at the time you didn't need this thing and you probably hadn't used this thing in months, so it was perfectly reasonable to get rid of it at the time.

The perils of a "scarcity mindset" is the notion that we need to hang onto things "just in case" or "you never know when you might need something" - and it seems frivolous or downright decadent to say, "well, if it turns out I need it, I can run around the corner and buy one." But the alternative is to keep everything because, against all probability and historical evidence to the contrary, you might need something. And that just doesn't make any objective sense.

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bob49877•

I mentally set aside a certain amount, like $100 or so, to re-buy some things I might have actually needed as a cost of decluttering. I gave a away some geode bookends I regret not having now, but then I think of all the boxes and boxes of junk gone and that was a small price to pay. I'm glad 99% of it is out of the house. Still a lot to go!

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chockykoala•

So I do this at work for a living. I decluttered 900 square feet of 1000’s of pounds of stuff. Out of 10,000 items I repurposed or threw away there was one that we needed. I was blamed but it served to show that “under someone’s desk” is not a filing system for an item that important. 2 items is a pretty good record. Your life is much better for decluttering than not. Cheers!

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Kalsifur•

It's a lot easier when it's someone else's stuff though.

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sky_dinosaur•

It's bound to happen, especially the more we have to get rid of. I had a few of those, but I just shrugged them off. Nothing you can do unless you live in one of those one-horse towns, gave it to the only charity within miles, and can go there and buy it back. LOL.

One perspective you can take is that you were alive before you owned x, and you were doing fine. Possessions come and go. If you want to buy it again, do it. But it happens to probably everybody. Focus on how little of the stuff you don't miss! That stuff is gone and you never have to deal with it again.

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[deleted]•

I think every person that's been in the decluttering phase has gone through this. I got rid of something and realized that it might have been a bad choice. It kind of forced me to reconsider if I really needed the item or not.

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Shera939•

It’s a very good score. Would you pay the amount of money of replacements for your cleaner tidier house? Of course, sonits a great deal. 👍🏼.

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grace_ocean•

Look at it the other way, if you keep all the stuff can you even find it in 20 min? In the last year I couldn't find a pair of binoculars for a year and I couldn't find a torch at all even though we have at least 3 or 5 (looked in the cars, the camping gear etc).

The only things I threw away or sold that I regretted later were..nothing. Actually I regretted the time spent on selling things online ..just to get the $20 or $50 for the item, in hindsight I would have been better off donating or tossing them. I really regret selling things and mailing them where I advertised things for the price + cost of postage, by the time I had 4 emails with the buyer, reminding them to pay several times, waiting for them to pay, managing emails from other potential buyers while the first buyer got around to paying, and a trip to the post office etc, I was done, I was costing my time at nothing and should have thrown the items away. It made me feel a little better that the items were going to a new home but I can't get my time back.

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