Source
r/atheism•
Shellfishisasin

Is it alright for a religious person to date an atheist?

I currently date a Christian and she has attacked me several times for being atheist. I ask her why it had mattered so much. Why could we not just have a secular, worldly relationship? I mean, that's what it was, right? Well I looked on the intawrwebz to see if maybe there was some Christian ideal of not being allowed to date a non-believer, when I came upon this link. The summary of the article says that it is alright to be friends with an atheist but not date them. It also goes on to say that it IS alright, however, to seriously date someone of a different religion? I do not see the logic in this. I would think that worldly relationships distract from a religious person's "relationship" with god anyways and all I see is a list of contradictions. What are your opinions on this, r/atheism? Am I right to tell my girlfriend that it is silly that she try to emotionally blackmail me? Or that having the same religious views does not really matter in a secular relationship? Should atheists fear dating a christian? Or vice versa?

Posted Jan 30, 2011, 5:08 AM UTC

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[deleted]•

Technically, she is supposed to murder you as soon as she finds out you are a nonbeliever.

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yellownumberfiveKnight of /new•

Deuteronomy 17

If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the LORD thy God, in transgressing his covenant; 17:3 And hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them, either the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heaven, which I have not commanded; 17:4 And it be told thee, and thou hast heard of it, and enquired diligently, and, behold, it be true, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought in Israel; 17:5 Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die.

Also, Deuteronomy 13:7-12

If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him.

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[deleted]•

Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)

All who would not seek the LORD, the God of Israel, were to be put to death, whether small or great, man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:13)

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yellownumberfiveKnight of /new•

Yeah, we could do this all day!

Deuteronomy 13:13-19

Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock.

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[deleted]•

We could keep it up until the robot apocalypse, as long as the OP gets the point. I highly doubt she will kill you but she is supposed to. It doesn't matter what is in an article you read online. The only thing that matters to her is that you fell into the 'enemy of god' category as soon as you didn't pray at the event. If she is as serious of a Christian as she sounds I don't see how it will work out between the two of you.

One of my favorites here: A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

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fearoftrains•

I no longer date religious people. I don't think it's "wrong", particularly, but I don't want to deal with that in my life, and I don't want to raise my children with religion, so I try to date like-minded people. I think if your girlfriend is attacking you about anything, that's a big problem.

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ShellfishisasinOP•

I understand where you come from on this. I do believe the majority of religious people are good people, and in that I see the good in all people. I'd hate to limit my selection for relationships to "you must believe the way I do." In all honesty, I have only met a handful of people who think the way I do, and they are mostly my friends - who are guys (ha). I do live in the south, though, so this could be the reason why.

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ikonoclasm•

While I can respect your desire to maintain an egalitarian self-image, the truth is everyone has to limit their selection to people who think like they do. You can't expect a Jew to consider dating a skinhead or a Muslim to date a member of the KKK. They are philosophically diametrically opposed.

While not always the case, often religiosity and atheism are incompatible. The worldviews are fundamentally contradictory. People live their lives very differently based on whether they believe there is some form of afterlife. Additional common aspects of religion, like the demand to proselytize or shun non-believers, make it even more difficult.

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ShellfishisasinOP•

And yet Christians believe "treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated." Though I believe there are Christians who do not honor this, I also believe there those that do. I believe in this as well, which is a connection between the two I'd like to amplify. If one should be allowed to believe something, I should have the same right. Yes, I do have anti-theist beliefs when it comes to religion (especially Christianity). And yes, I do find it hypocritical when the bible says such things as stoning non-believers or murdering homosexuals. Yet if a person I am is interested in can at least hold enough respect for me that they can respect my beliefs, I have no problem with theirs - granted it does not bring any harm to me emotionally or physically (or anyone else in that manner). As long as the religious person is moderate in their beliefs, straying from the act of extremism and taking the bible literally, than I do not see why I can not keep a relationship with them. I wouldn't want to ever tell the person I date "I am right, you are wrong always." And I definitely wouldn't want someone to ever tell me that.

I understand that fundamentals of a religion and the fundamentals of atheism can oppose each other. But we are also humans and I believe I can find enough connection between THAT than I can from the disconnection found in our opposing beliefs.

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sickasabat•

Clearly your girlfriend doesn't follow that rule. Unless she would want to be attacked for the beliefs the she does and does not hold.

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fearoftrains•

I hear that from my guy friends a lot. I'm also in the south, but I'm a woman. I think it actually might be easier for women to find atheist guys than vice versa. It's not all that easy for me to meet atheists, either, but it is worth the wait, in my opinion. I would get REALLY frustrated if my partner made important decisions based on some holy book. To me, being liberated from religion is an important part of my life, and I want my partner to understand that and celebrate it, not try to "fix" me.

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dembones01•

Christians are not supposed to according to their holy book
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+6%3A14&version=NIV
edit: And for your sake, unless you see her deconverting soon, I would not recommend it.

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[deleted]•

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soccerfreak2332•

your advice could really go both ways . . .

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[deleted]•

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ShellfishisasinOP•

I completely respect her, which is why I have even kept the topic of religion to a minimum. I have even went to church with her in order to make her happy. It was when I didn't pray at the said church event that she began to question me. When I told her I lacked a belief for god, she began to tell me that it made her upset/sad. I told her I was sorry for her feeling sad for my beliefs, or lack of, but that I wasn't sad for believing the way I do. This only ended the conversation and we have yet to speak of it since.

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[deleted]•

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ShellfishisasinOP•

But how can I show her why I do not believe without antagonizing her? If I show her contradictions or the flaws I find in the bible, I will essentially be telling her that what she believes is wrong. I do not want to ever tell her that she is wrong for what believes. I do find that what she believes to be wrong, but I do not believe she is wrong from believing the way she does.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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HermesTheMessenger•

Repost;

She might be making a big mistake based on her own biases.

So, call her on them. Here's how;

  • Ask her if she could choose to believe a different religion, in a different set of gods, starting right now.

Chances are, she will say no. That she believes as she does now and can't just choose to believe differently.

Now, emphasize that you're the same. You didn't choose not to believe. You looked, and you don't believe. She is being unfair -- biased -- by telling you that your honest beliefs are wrong.

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ShellfishisasinOP•

I will try this, but I am worried that it will end it her feeling provoked or antagonized.

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HermesTheMessenger•

It can be handled gently. If she's entirely unwilling to talk, then that is not your fault and I don't think much could be done to get her to understand she is being a bigot.

Note that saying she is a bigot is not a slam of her; most people are bigoted about one group or another and often they won't admit it because it is an ugly impulse. A healthy person acknowledges their own biased impulses -- bigotry -- and attempts to moderate them or remove them (if possible).

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LaoFuSi•

Pat "Blood Diamonds" Robertson says we atheists actively work for the devil. My point of view is: if someone is fine with being irrational in one part of their life, there's going to be something else they're fine with being irrational about.

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80b•

It works for some people, but often the more devout the less flexible they are - and the more problems it causes.

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[deleted]•

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lance_ec•

I think it is fine as long as the religious person has some good recipes for baby, and is willing to cook.

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pornagainchristian•

I'm pretty sure the bible is against Christians having close relationships with non-religious folks. Unequally yolked and all that jazz. However, if she marries you, then she isn't allowed to complain or leave you because of your atheism.

But enough of that bullshit. Relationships between Christians and atheists can certainly work out, but there are a few issues which need to be overcome. What if things work out and you get married? Where will you be married, will it be religious? What if you have kids? Will you let her brainwash them? Will they be raised without religion and be 'hellbound'? What about church every week? Tithing? You'll both have to be good at compromising if you want this to work out.

Also, any relationship will fail if there is a lack of respect. You've said that your girlfriend is emotionally blackmailing you... you don't do that to someone you respect. This is something you have to talk to her about. If she can't stop this behaviour, you need to leave her.

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infinnity•

Personally, no, but I think it is more wrong of her to be a Christian, if that helps at all.

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[deleted]•

I have a strict no-religious-people dating policy. Sure, I might be cutting some very great people out of my life, but since I gotta go through the pool of six billion people, and pick out the one I like, I figure I can be a little heavy-handed with my vetting procedure

However, for other people, I say "If you can make it work, good for you!". So, I wouldn't be opposed on principle to someone such as yourself dating a religious person. What I would be against on principle though, is bad relationships. And, if she has actually 'attacked' you (I'm assuming you mean verbally), this is evidence to me of a damaging relationship. So, in that particular case, I'd advise gtfo'ing.

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Crysee•

Weirdly, I never thought of it before reading stuff on reddit, but I don't have any religious friends. I just apparently tend to hang out with people that are atheists. I, for one, would never be able to date a religious person, there are just too many chances for it to come up in conversation, and thousands of things for you to disagree one. Technically she won't put out either...so that sucks.

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Ikinhaszkarmakplx•

Why wouldn't it be? Some of my atheist acquaintances and friends date religious folks. Doesn't always work like a charm but it does.

Some of them (both parties) enjoy the opposite very much. Whatever floats their boat.

I mean I personally would never date a religious person, ever. Because I'm biased (and a bigot?). I see religion as a mental illness, and I prefer my SO to be of sound and healthy mind.

But that doesn't mean it won't work for other. If it does, more power to them.

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brodiemann•

I've had bad experiences attempting to date the ardently religious. One girl, we had been on a few dates, and then she said "If we're going to seriously date, you need to become a christian, because, I really like you, like a lot, but I can't be with you if I can't be assured that we'll be together in the afterlife."

That was more or less the end of it, but a week or so later, there was a drunken make out session (good morals on this christian) where in she said "Why can't you just be Christian?" to which I responded "Why can't you just not be Christian?" Her: "But it's who I am! It's part of my identity." And then so on and so forth about how it's the one true path and blah blah blah, not really recognizing that my lack of religion is just as much of who I am as her devotion to religion is to her.

So, at this point, I've given up on trying to date the devout.

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Kaluthir•

Strictly speaking, Christians are forbidden from dating atheists (there's a bible verse that says something along the lines of "be you not unequally yoked" in the NT that is usually taken to mean that). However, my girlfriend is a "cafeteria catholic" and we rarely talk about religion.

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