Op “accidentally” announces she’s pregnant on her sisters wedding day.
Posted Mar 8, 2020, 5:16 PM UTC
12228
I mean, with the whole bit about their competitive relationship, that makes it worse IMO. Makes me wonder if OP 'accidentally' let it slip or not. This whole family sounds sucky, not sure why the Dad had to make such a big deal and force OP to take a sip of alcohol. She definitely could have made more excuses, such as she didn't feel up to drinking, she was on an antibiotic, they were TTC and she didn't wanna risk it, etc.
62
Sounds like she was clearly showing ... who waits 4+ months to tell close friends and family?
44
She said she had miscarriages before and it sounds like her parents are awful, so I kind of get it. That said, why are people so averse to apologizing when they hurt someone? Even supposedly unintentionally?
62
Late response, but childishness. To many an apology is a sign of weakness and/or guilt.
2
I think the issue is that OP refuses to apologize. If she’s telling the truth, which is a big if, then it wasn’t her fault someone guessed and then told everyone else at the wedding. But the fact is she drew attention away on her sisters one and only day all about her, and she refuses to apologize.
35
I didn't tell my family until I was about 20 weeks with my second. My brother and his partner were expecting their first 3 months before, so I waited until after they'd had their baby shower as didn't want to hijack things and have them also be about me and how there are two babies expected in the family. However I still wasn't obviously showing yet.
My cousin then tried to wait until after my baby was born before telling the extended family about their expecting a second because they didn't want to upstage me, but mine was almost 2 weeks late and by then she was obviously showing at a family event the week after my due date so it got out (I didn't care).
14
It's such a weird thing. I was born like a month before my cousin. When my mom told the family she was pregnant, aunt was like OMG me too! The have tons of photos showing their bellies together. You are already going to get extra atention of you are pregnant, you don't have to be the only one!
1
OP is the asshole. She didn't apologize, for one. She knew her parents pit them. She said so in her opening. She knew. So what did she think was going to happen when she told her father? The father is an asshole too, hands freaking down. OP also could have made any number of excuses, or just have flatly said "I don't want to." Or even "Yeah, this champagne tastes weird to me, I was having hubby try it.".
I mean shit, either she doesn't have a spine or she absolutely knew what was going to happen and knew that she technically wouldn't be responsible.
I'm calling her bullshit. She's not innocent.
42
She did this on purpose.
She could have had a plausible excuse for not drinking ready, and she deliberately did not, hoping this would happen.
Then doubled down on her bullshit by not apologizing.
6
Honestly, while OP should have had a cover story ready "Oh, sorry, I'm driving." or "I'm on antibiotics. My doctor advises against it.", people also will NOT leave other people alone.
"Oh, come ON, you can have just oooone!!!! It's a WEEEDDDDIIIINNGGGG!!!"
Great, Aunt Karen. You may feel that way, but the cops who pull me over or the meds I am on, or the variety of other reasons I gave you don't give a shit, now do they?
Also, I kind of think the family were the ones far more at fault. THEY let the news overtake the wedding! THEY spread the announcement and ruined the OP's announcement, which she probably wanted to make on her own terms. Honestly, the whole family is assholes.
36
If I read the post right.. I don't think the OP is the asshole. I think the sister will always think she is but she didn't put it in a speech or tell purposely tell people to get the attention away from the bride. Confused on how the original thread deemed her the asshole?
27
OP refused to apologize to her sister.
33
ahhhh. good catch. that is a tad asshole-ish then. even if it's not direclty your fault something happened you can be sorry that it happened.
7
I mean, if I read your story right, YOU didn't, someone guessed and then spoke up.
However, you should understand why your sister wouldn't have believed it, this is a well-established issue and pattern you both have talked about. Of course it looks like that's what happened.
Naturally, she's upset, I mean, you say that ALL of your family's congratulations to the couple mention you. That's got to sting. There was a truce, so she didn't expect it. But, it happened, and she felt betrayed.
Your family is doing what they do, putting you in a virtual pit together.
I think you were semi the asshole for not apologizing, It would have been the right thing to do no matter what the circumstances. But, if you didn't spill the news, that's not on you.
Write your sister, explain it in detail, without a ton of emotion, keeping the focus on her and genuinely apologize that their day was not about them, apologize if nothing else because you care about her feelings and the situation because you genuinely are outraged that this happened to her, AGAIN.
If you had plans for a pregnancy announcement, gender reveal, you have to be upset that it was taken from you as well. You have to be feeling that. You'll have another chance to have that big moment, the birth will be the greatest day imaginable.
Your sister only got one wedding, one set of congratulations. In the spirit of changing the past, facing this dysfunctional situation that your family cannot break free of, commiserate with her, listen to her, apologize and just try and be there when she's ready. You both are stuck with these people who cannot seem to separate the two of you, celebrate the two of you as individuals, and change the cycle. You are the only two who grew up the way you did, and the only people who will ever truly "get it". Your family won't change, ever. This is going to keep happening, but, the two of you can get through it together and break the cycle on your own ends, handling your family as a united front.
12
I can definitely see this being a genuine accident. Not OP, but I have a tendency to blurt out the truth when I’m under pressure. I can’t lie worth shit. So if OP was pressed far enough, I can imagine she might blank on a good enough excuse to make Daddy Dearest stfu.
12
You really should have apologized! It was her and her husband's day, you stole their thunder! You owe her an apology; 2 actually, 1 for doing it at the reception and 1 for not apologizing immediately!
7
This is ridiculous. For someone to claim a day as "theirs" and then make others feel bad about "stealing their thunder" is ridiculous. I understand that weddings are super special, but if you're so insecure about someone else "stealing your spotlight" you need to re-evaluate your life. I have a sister and if she told me she was pregnant, I would be over the moon, wedding day be damned!
-12
I have a feeling this is not really about “stealing their thunder.” While the dad is more at fault, she could have diffused the situation. OP had called a truce about not one upping each other and then didn’t consider what she would say in this situation (if her family is as nosy and baby crazy as she says they are).
I think this is about sister feeling lied to about having a different type of relationship with OP
10
I'll be the outlier here and say I could totally see this happening exactly as the OP laid it out, and its more of an unfortunate timing thing than an intentional asshole move. I probably/definitely would have told parents & sister by 4 months... But considering the miscarriage, I can understand not doing it.
If an apology will fix the situation then she should do it, but I kind of assume the damage is done and it'd be kind of pointless.
7
Why are people so obsessed with whether other people are drinking alcohol or not?
5
Lol, So stupid
2†
I think dad just asked and didn't do the whole then take a drink then thing, she just added that to be her "reason" for telling at her sister's wedding. It was a convenient opportunity.
2
Wow are you fucking down syndrome
1
4 months into pregnancy, hasn't told her Dad or her sister, could have had drinks of gingerale in champagne glasses or whatnot.
I kind of wonder if OP held off telling anyone, hoping this would happen
I wondered the same thing. Also, who has people challenging them to drink when it is not a frat party like situation?
Lots of people. Lots of people.
Maybe OP is a hard core partier when not pregnant. Maybe to her family, her not drinking would be like a normal person not eating the meal.
Right!? Like, leave people alone! It's one thing to offer, but if they say "No thanks. I'm driving/not feeling well/not drinking today." Back the EFF OFF!
Or shes had losses like she mentioned in the comments and is waiting to avoid announcing a miscarriage after early announcement of pregnancy
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