Anyone here an alcoholic and in recovery?

I was bad when I drank, from the time I was 16 to when i stopped at age 29. Presently i'm 35 with 6 years sober from alcohol.

When I was younger i would smoke but i always hated the feeling.. the paranoia, anxiety the dissociative state it would put me in.

About 6 months ago i decided to give marijuana another try and experimented with some indica. For the most part it was "ok" not my drug of choice by far, but good for my insomnia.

However something happened. I realized i didnt enjoy recovery (AA) anymore and didnt feel at home. At first i thought it could be guilt, but weed never came close to putting me in the situations alcohol did, nor any consequences, hangover, jackpots,compulsions etc.

Currently i only use Cattatonic, its probably the best smoking has ever made me feel.

But trying to enjoy and participate in recovery just isnt happening anymore, i feel my connection has been severed from the program and my friends there.

I'm not trying to sound edgy, special or terminally unique but the new perspective marijuana granted made me able to see through what alcoholics anonymous is, how it works through social conformity.

The worst part is,is that i realized its pretty much the same song and dance over and over again, the ritual, the expected, the comforts and the damn cliches that sometimes make sense and sometimes don't.

Glad it's Sunday so i could at least post this in a place that sort of makes sense. If i posted this to the AA sub id get downvoted and lectured on things i already know theyll say.