Acute Writer’s block since bipolar diagnosis. All advice would be welcome!
Greetings fam! I saw that so many of you find solace in creative projects, and wanted your advice. I am a graduate student, and writing (creative and academic pieces - articles, op-eds and theses) used to be my lifeline. Words would flow from my fingertips with great ease, and I never had to worry about stumbling over words, finding perfect phrases to encapsulate my emotions over specific themes, or generally moving forward with my writing in any way whatsoever. I had a sharp manic psychosis last May, followed by a hospitalisation. The crash since then has been inevitable, and has taken a severe hit on my life. I spiralled into the worst depression of my life, the colours faded away into nothing , and I lost my way with words. I took a sabbatical from graduate school for the year (still on it) and while my meds have pulled me out of the depression, I struggle so much to write again. It feels like someone chopped off a limb, and I can still feel the haunting phantom cries , but can’t get myself to do anything about it. Has anyone gone through the same thing, for any creative process? Do you have any suggestions? I would be so, so grateful. I would be happy to write you something. I’ve been practising writing a little bit everyday but the struggle is tearing my self confidence into shreds. All help would be really appreciated. Lots of love.
Posted Mar 9, 2020, 2:50 PM UTC
I went through something similar. Are you on antipsychotics? Getting on a plan where I stopped the APs while not in episode was key for me regaining my creativity/motivation.
I am! Do you think that could be it?
I'm far from a doctor, but I think it could be.
The mechanism of antipsychotics is to block your brain's dopamine D2 receptors. Dopamine is directly correlated with shit like motivation and creative thinking. Makes sense that blocking it would reduce that function.
IMO APs are designed to smash a manic/psychotic episode and serve no other function. The fact that doctors keep us on them continuously is a travesty. When I presented my case, my doctor couldn't help but agree there is no reason to keep me on the AP other than as a precaution against future episodes...he continued to admit that it would be safe for me to taper off the AP and restart when I feel my next episode coming on.
That said, I'm relatively self aware and I can spot my episodes coming from a month+ away. My doctor knows this about me. It may be less safe for someone who can't realize their episode until they're in full-blown mania.
If you wanna come off APs and are interested in tips on how to manage mania, lemme know...that's one of my favorite topics to discuss :-)